I should seek solace in reality, rather then indulge in a dreamscape that i know holds greater pain as sensations are heightened in an ulmost unreal manner.
The fleeting moments of ecstasy are often peppered with a hint of disbelief that this could be happening.
Everyone deserves a chance at happiness, but it seems happiness is a wily fellow whom seeks to be always ahead and chased after. Never stopping. never following alongside.
You attempt to grasp hold of it, but only to realise how feeble and mortal you really are. Clutching wildly as you try to hold on to the pleasures of happiness, you end up clawing at your very own existence, the harder you try, the deeper your wounds. This is my fatality. My fatal crush.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
I realised
Sometimes i wonder if the mind indeed is that all powerful, whilst debate rages on regarding the untapped powers of the mind, i've been experiencing very strong sensations in another powerful sensory organ lately.
The human heart, does it also encompass the human spirit? or is that more spiritual then physical?
It is indeed an impressive organ, not only does it give life thru circulation of blood through out the body, it seems to be that both heart and mind are sometimes almost reliant on each other...
its late and my thoughts are incoherent, i've not been writting for awhile and the past week or so has seen me experience plenty of varying emotions so i decided to take some time tonite to pen down some of what's floating about between the grey matter inside my head.
Heighten emotions, feelings of loss, disappointment and unbearable strain on the heart that feels like it's just waiting to stop in immediate cardiac arrest. its like the heart and mind is being put thru a tolerance test of its limits.
demise of a dear friend to disease, endless bickering and non resolution of issues important to each other, a catching up that's 2 years overdue. From lows to highs, i'm brought down to earth despite the glow of happiness from a wonderful experience last evening, almost singlehandedly done so as i recall how highs are balanced by lows and i shuddered at how dangerous it is to get your highs to a point where u'll really really feel the painful thud of that very fatal low.
once a couple of years back, i came across this ultra sensation of dull cold pain that robbed me of every single tear in my eyes. Whilst it remains true that to date that horrible experience has rendered me insensitive to some extent. i am almost certain that the twisted logic of how hope and happiness is actually the eternal spring of sadness and pain. Both co-exist so that the other gives meaning to the other.
i believe the same twisted logic extends into everyday life and therefore i've become afraid to dream and hope. Is there really 'hope' left?
The human heart, does it also encompass the human spirit? or is that more spiritual then physical?
It is indeed an impressive organ, not only does it give life thru circulation of blood through out the body, it seems to be that both heart and mind are sometimes almost reliant on each other...
its late and my thoughts are incoherent, i've not been writting for awhile and the past week or so has seen me experience plenty of varying emotions so i decided to take some time tonite to pen down some of what's floating about between the grey matter inside my head.
Heighten emotions, feelings of loss, disappointment and unbearable strain on the heart that feels like it's just waiting to stop in immediate cardiac arrest. its like the heart and mind is being put thru a tolerance test of its limits.
demise of a dear friend to disease, endless bickering and non resolution of issues important to each other, a catching up that's 2 years overdue. From lows to highs, i'm brought down to earth despite the glow of happiness from a wonderful experience last evening, almost singlehandedly done so as i recall how highs are balanced by lows and i shuddered at how dangerous it is to get your highs to a point where u'll really really feel the painful thud of that very fatal low.
once a couple of years back, i came across this ultra sensation of dull cold pain that robbed me of every single tear in my eyes. Whilst it remains true that to date that horrible experience has rendered me insensitive to some extent. i am almost certain that the twisted logic of how hope and happiness is actually the eternal spring of sadness and pain. Both co-exist so that the other gives meaning to the other.
i believe the same twisted logic extends into everyday life and therefore i've become afraid to dream and hope. Is there really 'hope' left?
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Bitter
All these years i cherished the friendship that us guys had.
I might have been away on occasions, but in it all, i've tried to maintain bonds with you guys whilst you all seek to relinquish them.
true enough, a bitter ending was in sight, since it is so that i'm dispensable, let it just end as it is.....
I might have been away on occasions, but in it all, i've tried to maintain bonds with you guys whilst you all seek to relinquish them.
true enough, a bitter ending was in sight, since it is so that i'm dispensable, let it just end as it is.....
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Number 585.
Does one really (truly) forget?
If you loved and got hurt ... but the hurt seems lesser when you loved and lost thereafter... what does that mean?
If you loved and got hurt ... but the hurt seems lesser when you loved and lost thereafter... what does that mean?
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
08
Happy 08 Guys and Gals,
I've been lazy to blog lately and possibly for a long long time.
No doubt work, family and life has taken me away from this personal space which i've kept very closely to myself when i started my studies abroad.
Some of the resolutions i've made prior to the New Year.
1) Be more family oriented, spend more time with the family and take my family for a holiday.
2) Participate and complete the Standard Chartered Marathon 2008.
3) Patience Patience Patience.
4) Be more focused on work and perform like a true professional.
5) Do charity work.
And because you've all been such sweeties, i'll share with you a really really secret wish that i've had lately.
Pssst... I wanna be on the cover of Men's Health.
LOL
I've been lazy to blog lately and possibly for a long long time.
No doubt work, family and life has taken me away from this personal space which i've kept very closely to myself when i started my studies abroad.
Some of the resolutions i've made prior to the New Year.
1) Be more family oriented, spend more time with the family and take my family for a holiday.
2) Participate and complete the Standard Chartered Marathon 2008.
3) Patience Patience Patience.
4) Be more focused on work and perform like a true professional.
5) Do charity work.
And because you've all been such sweeties, i'll share with you a really really secret wish that i've had lately.
Pssst... I wanna be on the cover of Men's Health.
LOL
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Post Birthday Alien
Lately i've been addicted to facebook so i've not been blogging..getting lesser inspirations to blog nowadays, at one point i was thinking i probably stop blogging coz after all i've returned from studies and that was the original purpose of this blog. =)
But looking back at the entries i had, i can't even bear to entertain that thought any longer.
I've been meeting up with friends, feeling happy Xmas shopping and anticipating my birthday, which was last week.
Spent a few days on leave thereafter and did my routine visits to the temple for prayers, SLS for latest gadgets and looksee, caught up with some of the guys whom orded and the weekend went by quietly with the help of D Gray Man and Heroes.
Another few weeks and it'll be the end of the year 2007.
Peppered with the holidays thats coming soon, i'm really reflective on how the year has went by and i'm gonna do a pondering kinda post before the year closes for 08. Set some targets and goals, resolutions as well.
Missing Lucas.
^^
But looking back at the entries i had, i can't even bear to entertain that thought any longer.
I've been meeting up with friends, feeling happy Xmas shopping and anticipating my birthday, which was last week.
Spent a few days on leave thereafter and did my routine visits to the temple for prayers, SLS for latest gadgets and looksee, caught up with some of the guys whom orded and the weekend went by quietly with the help of D Gray Man and Heroes.
Another few weeks and it'll be the end of the year 2007.
Peppered with the holidays thats coming soon, i'm really reflective on how the year has went by and i'm gonna do a pondering kinda post before the year closes for 08. Set some targets and goals, resolutions as well.
Missing Lucas.
^^
Thursday, December 06, 2007
I'm in a December and Xmas kinda mood!
Ho ho Ho!
Its the time of the year again, i've always loved Dec.
A time of the year whereby work kinda slows down to a really comfortable pace, the festivities and mood (at least mine) is all jovial and festive, the weather turns cooler, a time to catch up with mates after a long year hard at work, its just Merry!
A couple of things went by since i last posted, Luca's baby shower, a concert at the indoor stadium and although there ain't any plans as yet for xmas itself, i'm happy the way things has been this dec.hahah the bonus coming in is helping alot too! lol
The weather lately has been just lovely, windy n cool, it reminds me of the face-chilling, bone shuddering cold breezes of Melbourne, in fact, after catching up with Cali and Kris on monday, i am officially in a i miss melbourne mood too!
hahahha
Can u just imagine yourself at the sidewalks, underneath a toasty heater, licking off a cone of roche gelato from Il Dolce Freddo and thereafter heading across the street to Notti's for a pizza or a hot chocolate?
Or how about a movie at Cinema Nova?hhhahha gosh! I'm horny for Melbourne!
I miss everyone of my friends out there too, it was great to hang out with Kris and Cali as well as my sec sch blokes last night out at the kopitiam, if you haven't seen me for the past 2 months, its about time we've met up!hahha
HOHOHO! =)
Its the time of the year again, i've always loved Dec.
A time of the year whereby work kinda slows down to a really comfortable pace, the festivities and mood (at least mine) is all jovial and festive, the weather turns cooler, a time to catch up with mates after a long year hard at work, its just Merry!
A couple of things went by since i last posted, Luca's baby shower, a concert at the indoor stadium and although there ain't any plans as yet for xmas itself, i'm happy the way things has been this dec.hahah the bonus coming in is helping alot too! lol
The weather lately has been just lovely, windy n cool, it reminds me of the face-chilling, bone shuddering cold breezes of Melbourne, in fact, after catching up with Cali and Kris on monday, i am officially in a i miss melbourne mood too!
hahahha
Can u just imagine yourself at the sidewalks, underneath a toasty heater, licking off a cone of roche gelato from Il Dolce Freddo and thereafter heading across the street to Notti's for a pizza or a hot chocolate?
Or how about a movie at Cinema Nova?hhhahha gosh! I'm horny for Melbourne!
I miss everyone of my friends out there too, it was great to hang out with Kris and Cali as well as my sec sch blokes last night out at the kopitiam, if you haven't seen me for the past 2 months, its about time we've met up!hahha
HOHOHO! =)
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
A Quick Update
It's gotten quiet all over again here as i was busy last week fussing over the arrival of my Godson, Lucas, last Monday. Hee ^^ He's just super cute!!! hahah
The week went by quickly and the weekend was spent spending time over with Lucas, it was the first time i held a baby that was just days old and it was quite nerve wrecking at first as i'm worried if he would just fall off from my arms anot!
Daddy Desmond assisted Godfather in that and it went quite well till Lucas pooped in his diapers and had to get a change of his nappies.
Following that i fed Lucas his dinner (?) and it was also another first!hahaha Yay! Its just beyond words the feeling watching him drinking his milk down eagerly! I can't wait to see him get bigger and all!hahah
More photos soon! =)
The week went by quickly and the weekend was spent spending time over with Lucas, it was the first time i held a baby that was just days old and it was quite nerve wrecking at first as i'm worried if he would just fall off from my arms anot!
Daddy Desmond assisted Godfather in that and it went quite well till Lucas pooped in his diapers and had to get a change of his nappies.
Following that i fed Lucas his dinner (?) and it was also another first!hahaha Yay! Its just beyond words the feeling watching him drinking his milk down eagerly! I can't wait to see him get bigger and all!hahah
More photos soon! =)
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Godfather soon!=p
The week was spent out in the field supervising some training, not exactly the most effective way to spend your week be it in terms of work, play or wastage of time, but it did give me a good recovery from the lack of sleep that i usually subject myself to during a normal week.
The weekend was spent first thing early Sat morning at a Yoga class, pretty interesting and slightly amused that i am still rather flexible at this point, however its really too therapeutic for me and not something i'd do full on at this present time and age. The pushy ah-lian 'Member consultant supervisor' didn't really do much for me in terms of info and impressing me with her knowledge of alternative fitness and holistic methods and she pissed me off after a while.
Decided to cut the day short by skipping the massage session and shopped around for Godson's present in the afternoon till i met up with his parents at night for dinner and a get together session.
*btw, i realised i'm eatting alot of eggs lately..hmm hmmm.
Woke up early this morning and decided to blog again to retain what i've remember about this weekend. Things are work are looking busy soon but with the year end holiday period approaching and the presence of a good boss, it doesnt look that bad at the moment.=)
The last outing to the bookshop also landed me with a pictorial book which i've wanted to get lately.yay!=P
That's it for now i reckon guys, Finally WELCOME HOME NIGEL! =)
The weekend was spent first thing early Sat morning at a Yoga class, pretty interesting and slightly amused that i am still rather flexible at this point, however its really too therapeutic for me and not something i'd do full on at this present time and age. The pushy ah-lian 'Member consultant supervisor' didn't really do much for me in terms of info and impressing me with her knowledge of alternative fitness and holistic methods and she pissed me off after a while.
Decided to cut the day short by skipping the massage session and shopped around for Godson's present in the afternoon till i met up with his parents at night for dinner and a get together session.
*btw, i realised i'm eatting alot of eggs lately..hmm hmmm.
Woke up early this morning and decided to blog again to retain what i've remember about this weekend. Things are work are looking busy soon but with the year end holiday period approaching and the presence of a good boss, it doesnt look that bad at the moment.=)
The last outing to the bookshop also landed me with a pictorial book which i've wanted to get lately.yay!=P
That's it for now i reckon guys, Finally WELCOME HOME NIGEL! =)
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Out to the wilderness.Again.
Today's dinner marked my return to a real adult food's diet.
Since my extraction last week, i had meals which were either liquid by nature, soft foods or ingested through self induced swallowing skills.
It felt good to be able to eat real food again plus it was great to have a good and hearty meal...it still feels weird, feels like i have less teeth to chew on nowadays but i'm glad this ordeal was over.haha
Back to work and heading straight into an outfield training stint in an offshore island to the east.
I'm not exactly enthused by the whole idea of it but i reckon a job's what i've got and i've got to work for this job.
A recent cab ride induced this interesting conversation with the cabby and his theorem regarding the bosses of the land creating a whole society that's based on work ethics and a constant desire to be financially superior as a means of subduing the masses.
while he had not used the same words as i have, i felt that he isn't very far off from painting the minds and opinions of many out there in society.
It is indeed not a desired state of how one should live their lives and this is in tandem with my personal mantra that life is more then the ceaseless race for more cheese.
All i can hope for is that one day i can find a mouse whom shares this ideology.
Since my extraction last week, i had meals which were either liquid by nature, soft foods or ingested through self induced swallowing skills.
It felt good to be able to eat real food again plus it was great to have a good and hearty meal...it still feels weird, feels like i have less teeth to chew on nowadays but i'm glad this ordeal was over.haha
Back to work and heading straight into an outfield training stint in an offshore island to the east.
I'm not exactly enthused by the whole idea of it but i reckon a job's what i've got and i've got to work for this job.
A recent cab ride induced this interesting conversation with the cabby and his theorem regarding the bosses of the land creating a whole society that's based on work ethics and a constant desire to be financially superior as a means of subduing the masses.
while he had not used the same words as i have, i felt that he isn't very far off from painting the minds and opinions of many out there in society.
It is indeed not a desired state of how one should live their lives and this is in tandem with my personal mantra that life is more then the ceaseless race for more cheese.
All i can hope for is that one day i can find a mouse whom shares this ideology.
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