I should seek solace in reality, rather then indulge in a dreamscape that i know holds greater pain as sensations are heightened in an ulmost unreal manner.
The fleeting moments of ecstasy are often peppered with a hint of disbelief that this could be happening.
Everyone deserves a chance at happiness, but it seems happiness is a wily fellow whom seeks to be always ahead and chased after. Never stopping. never following alongside.
You attempt to grasp hold of it, but only to realise how feeble and mortal you really are. Clutching wildly as you try to hold on to the pleasures of happiness, you end up clawing at your very own existence, the harder you try, the deeper your wounds. This is my fatality. My fatal crush.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
I realised
Sometimes i wonder if the mind indeed is that all powerful, whilst debate rages on regarding the untapped powers of the mind, i've been experiencing very strong sensations in another powerful sensory organ lately.
The human heart, does it also encompass the human spirit? or is that more spiritual then physical?
It is indeed an impressive organ, not only does it give life thru circulation of blood through out the body, it seems to be that both heart and mind are sometimes almost reliant on each other...
its late and my thoughts are incoherent, i've not been writting for awhile and the past week or so has seen me experience plenty of varying emotions so i decided to take some time tonite to pen down some of what's floating about between the grey matter inside my head.
Heighten emotions, feelings of loss, disappointment and unbearable strain on the heart that feels like it's just waiting to stop in immediate cardiac arrest. its like the heart and mind is being put thru a tolerance test of its limits.
demise of a dear friend to disease, endless bickering and non resolution of issues important to each other, a catching up that's 2 years overdue. From lows to highs, i'm brought down to earth despite the glow of happiness from a wonderful experience last evening, almost singlehandedly done so as i recall how highs are balanced by lows and i shuddered at how dangerous it is to get your highs to a point where u'll really really feel the painful thud of that very fatal low.
once a couple of years back, i came across this ultra sensation of dull cold pain that robbed me of every single tear in my eyes. Whilst it remains true that to date that horrible experience has rendered me insensitive to some extent. i am almost certain that the twisted logic of how hope and happiness is actually the eternal spring of sadness and pain. Both co-exist so that the other gives meaning to the other.
i believe the same twisted logic extends into everyday life and therefore i've become afraid to dream and hope. Is there really 'hope' left?
The human heart, does it also encompass the human spirit? or is that more spiritual then physical?
It is indeed an impressive organ, not only does it give life thru circulation of blood through out the body, it seems to be that both heart and mind are sometimes almost reliant on each other...
its late and my thoughts are incoherent, i've not been writting for awhile and the past week or so has seen me experience plenty of varying emotions so i decided to take some time tonite to pen down some of what's floating about between the grey matter inside my head.
Heighten emotions, feelings of loss, disappointment and unbearable strain on the heart that feels like it's just waiting to stop in immediate cardiac arrest. its like the heart and mind is being put thru a tolerance test of its limits.
demise of a dear friend to disease, endless bickering and non resolution of issues important to each other, a catching up that's 2 years overdue. From lows to highs, i'm brought down to earth despite the glow of happiness from a wonderful experience last evening, almost singlehandedly done so as i recall how highs are balanced by lows and i shuddered at how dangerous it is to get your highs to a point where u'll really really feel the painful thud of that very fatal low.
once a couple of years back, i came across this ultra sensation of dull cold pain that robbed me of every single tear in my eyes. Whilst it remains true that to date that horrible experience has rendered me insensitive to some extent. i am almost certain that the twisted logic of how hope and happiness is actually the eternal spring of sadness and pain. Both co-exist so that the other gives meaning to the other.
i believe the same twisted logic extends into everyday life and therefore i've become afraid to dream and hope. Is there really 'hope' left?
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