no more tagboard

no more tagboard..i dont deserve anyone's concern.

Let me be alone and think about the harm i have done.
sorry, i cant say this enough.

dear all.

dearest friends.

i don't deserve the well wishes and kind words you all been dishing out.
alot of the things i am going through now is all due to my own doing, instant karma.

i am not whom you all think i am.

Please, don't look upon me as if i am suffering, the truth is, i cause more suffering and this is what i deserve.
I am not a good person, thats the bottom line, i don't need any sympathy because i chose this path.
I did so many disgusting things that if you knew about it, you'll be ashamed to be associated with me.
I don't wish to hurt anyone anymore.

Thank you all for the love you gave, especially One whom gave me chance after chance, i just keep screwing things up, hurting everyone around me.

I don't deserve another chance.
Please don't look upon me and think you know me, none of you do.
i am not whom i am, i am not someone whom you all want to be associated with.

It is better to just hate me, then try and understand me.

and at the end of it.

it was a weekend of reflection.
i had wanted to talk badly to someone, that didnt happen.

well, firstly i scratched Leon's brother's car. I didnt want to ruin his holiday in sydney so i only told him when he got back.
I am really lucky, he was really cool about it.
but still i feel bad, i hope the paint work doesnt cost too much.
just so stoopid..i cant seem to do anything right these days.
cant even park a car properly.man.

i think my studies are screwed too, i just dont have that self belief any more.

i thought about alot of things.

i just want to live.

It was missing a piece.
And it was not happy.
So it set off in search
of its missing piece.
And as it rolled
it sang this song -

Oh I'm lookin' for my missin' piece
I'm lookin' for my missin' piece
Hi-dee-ho, here I go,
Lookin' for my missin' piece.

Happy EasTer!

its gonna be easter weekend here soon. Leon's heading out to sydney for some catching up with his friends up there. i wish i could head home, deep inside i lost all desire to study. I am only doing it because i have to answer to so many people, people whom helped me out to get me where i am.Don't start to panic..i am not going to do a wild thing and just stop studying. I just wish things could be simpler and more complete. The best words to describe how i feel is "a Missing Piece".

i haven't been blogging much..i can't think well nowadays, i get out of focus easily and my memory has gone to the dogs...and no i am not on drugs in case you are thinking thats what creating my memory loss.
Too much alchohol? nah...drank more then what i am drinking before.

Its just very messy up there, like my room, its been piling up with stuff, occasionally you pack it abit, try and make it seem neat and well clean, but the room will always be filled with the bits and pieces and things you bring into it..no matter where you hide it, where you stash it. it will always be there.

somethings you can clear and throw, but like any furniture, it always leaves its mark in your room (mind), either the area around it is clean coz its been covering it or the sheer weight of the furniture left a depression on the carpet it was on. Somethings you just can't throw away, no matter how hard you try.

What does it take?I am who i am, only because you believed in me.

and here we have..the countryside..picture perfect.the complete experience to wine drinking!

yah..the car broke down early in the day when we were just about to start the trip..fortunately all it took was a new battery, a pitstop crew (aka leon, luke and mi) and we were on our way!

Mi and my housemate, Leon.

wild daisies..and i think of You.

navigator for yarra valley trip..not World rally championship..haha

heres me getting up there!

sorry ah gu and honda!i wish i could have posted more things..but its been really busy these two weeks, been to yarra valley (vineyards) and also to the great ocean road just two days ago, yesterday went rock climbing again and well..i probably start with some rock climbing pics first!

delicious lambroast tat leon made!

now you see it...

and now you don't

went for laksa! just the other day to send off luke, who has shifted away from our place..lukes the aussie..hehe heres a pic of all three of us..

i wonder how it feels like when all you want is something which is so far away, yet its so close to you, because deep in your mind, its never gone away. i feel something is missing in my life, whereas once my mind was filled with just thoughts..now my thoughts are filled with just one person. I miss her very much. Thanks for the camomile tea, it warms me up this cold saturday night here in melb.I hope you are keeping warm too! It was a good day today despite the rain that made the whole place so wet and cold...Leon and i went climbing at Nurawading, about 15mins drive from carlton, despite tired arms and falls midway through the climb, i enjoyed myself immensely. I wish however, that i had done this along with someone..someone whom is very much still and always will be a part of me. i think climbing shall be a fortnightly event with me and leon. Hopefully we'll stick to it.haha...cooked dinner alone as Leon had a dinner date and Luke went to the motor show...i hate eating alone...

the week is getting to a close, its been 3 days since i left someone very dear to me and the longing gets stronger and stronger everyday.
i think about all the little things that we've done and torrents of memories rush onto my tired mind, yet i embrace the waves of emotions that roll over me, i feel happy just wondering how she is and as i remember all those things we did.
I miss her, its hard to just completely drop all the things i done. i cant get over thinking about her before i sleep and when i wake up.
Even as i am in uni, i look at the time and wonder what you are doing.At this moment, while we are apart.
i sit by the lappie, hoping to catch a glimpse of her online, just so i may soothe my yearning for her...for she brings comfort and peace to my soul.

I really miss her, more so every day.

Welcome to Melbourne...

ouch!two welcome stubs on my right big toe..theres a bit of flesh poking out now that has the blood stuck inside, turning black but its not getting out...skin too thick liao...must have been not noticing where i am going.

went straight to class upon touching down and reaching home at about 0915hrs here...had a lecture at 1000 all the way till 330pm.

thought i wanted to be productive and so i went down to the city wanting to get my bank stuff done, but sheesh..i forgot..the banks here closes at 4pm.darniT!

couldn't get the calling card i wanted as well from the usual shop..out of stock they said..aww man..this aint a good start to the day...i feel exhausted after out the whole day and with the sweltering heat blasting upon you, its hotter then back home peoplE!

amongst all this, i went out also to post a letter... to someone special, someone whom is my missing piece, which i left behind back home.
What joy could be lauded as complete? If the person whom brings you sheer joy just by being in their midst, is not with you right now?
You invade my thoughts, when i least expected, sending waves of emotion crashing upon my fragile heart.
MIss you.