blisssssss...n its up whr i see it all the time.heee =*

the pain that just wun go away.

the pain was so bad..i couldn't concentrate on lect this afternoon..
got a real surprise in the mailbox..and i couldn't stop laughing and smiling and giggling to myself..yes..giggling..heee =P
made my sorry day just seeing that card!

yes i know what happened to the flowers now!thanks to you too!for TLC.

tried to sleep it off..the pain..but it stuck like a leech.
fortunately..meina saved me from almost certain hair tearing pain release therapy by offering her osim hot compresses..wow..though they look like what gals stuff into their bras to ahem..enhance themselves..they worked like magic..it felt better almost immediately.

time to work on my essays again and well at least i get to talk on the phone tonight! *winK*

update
monday was a drag..my neck still hurts and i had to cook for myself again..honestly..nothing sux like cooking for one person..by urself...esp after a late lect which ends at 7pm.others would think i am doing a postgrad..having lects so late.haha oh well..at least i took the opp to cook tomato stirred fried pork slices..mm..i noe some ppl dun like pork..haha but sowie ..no beef for me la. not too bad..still tastes like the one mum cooks..haha..

went to pick up some stuff from adeleena..man..everyone is leaving..sobsob..

went to bed early.trying to sleep off the pain inthe neck..literally its the same..its a REAL pain. if u get my drift.

how could i ever love another, when i miss you every day

i feel good today! but i need to have more focus on my essays..not progressing well at all!but thats alrite..the next few days will be working overtime and hard to get the essays out and churning. this is just a commercial break..now back to more reading and writing....my fingers feel stiff...hmmm Boing BOing!I feel so luckY!

On a Monday, I am waiting
Tuesday, I am fading
And by Wednesday, I can't sleep
Then the phone rings, I hear you
And the darkness is a clear view
Cuz you've come to rescue me

There was a time when our dreams felt so real
Just out of reach but not too far to feel
Together we'd finally make them come true
'Cause anything is possible when i am with you

its been a really long day todae...woke up early to make a phone call...after which i could not really sleep.so just lazed in bed...waiting...for time to pass and while resting..thinking about someone...had a good day at skool though..came home for a quick lunch..and tried calling her...hmm could not get through....getting worried...smsed and went for tutes...followed up by some quick shopping in the city for tofu, canned foodstuff and instant noodles..went home for a sumptious dinner of pasta..hahah..well...a poor student's fave i guess! having a terrible headache..neck pain too...hmm.i tink i slept in a bad posture last night...just want to get all my thoughts out..more readings to do after this and weekend would be housekeeping and gym at ain's....amidst further reading and essays which are due pretty soon...hmm noticing that my blogs are getting less in content as well as variety..abang told me lotsa stuff over msn last nite..realli shocking some of the stuff he yakked about..realy nid to be more careful..gtg nw....sleeepy with pain on my neck n head...missing you so much.

hmm time passes really fast when you are immersed in something...
its been a month since i been back to melbourne..tat was quik..heee
see its not that long a wait after all ain't it? =PPP will be back sooner then u think..

rite now gotta focus on my assignments so i may relax and enjoy the first week of september...
went to the gym today..hmm..it feels good to be working out again..but lack of machines and weights for arm exercises..still comtemplating on joining the uni gym?
hmm wich would eat into my expenses without a doubt..mmm mmmm

its days like these which i dread...unable to feel your presence. To hear your voice.

laterz..think i will go take a nap..kinda drowzy...sleepy...zzzZ

oooh

oh do not worry..
i am not relating this as a personal experience.
just in one of those brooding thinking moods that i slip into at times..
perhaps the songs i been listening to is making me feel emo and angsty.

i wonder why at times people end a relationship without rhyme or reason?i am saying this from the other party's perspective..for there must be some reason that would make someone want to end a relationship..maybe this reason is not known to the other party..leaving someone confused and tormented by what the heck is going on here? are reasons/excuses really that difficult to comprehend?that its not even worth a mention to make the other person feel better off without a mental overload of "what went wrong,isit me?etc" sometimes the most painful breakups are not those whereby we understand why we must leave someone we loved...its easier to get over someone when theres something to blame it on..an argument, caught cheating, unable to get along..but how do you get over someone whom you thought that there was no wrong in being together?and it all falls apart when u least expected? heartless?or just being merciful?are some causes for breakups so terrible that only one person should bear the pain? what if..? that would be the saddest way to end a relationship...leaving someone bewildered and guessing..never knowing the truth...tormented by an inadequacy of what happened?it just comes and haunts us...why?

this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna come here tonight
this is the last time - I will fall
into a place that fails us all - inside

I can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down
come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna give in tonight
are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see

still I can see the pain in you
and I can see the love in you
and fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down - come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us

if I was to give in - give it up
- and then
take a breath - make it deep
cause it might be the last one you get
be the last one
that could make us cold
you know that they could make us cold
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

thats it for today i guess..gonna wake up earli n work tml at the uni
guide for discover day...u be probably soaring over me while i sleep tonight..
bubbles n bubbles forming over moI head..=*

frances seem pretty eager to drink..like me..we were feeling thirsty n it seem the games weren't exactly gonna make the two of us drink...

here u see the jolly pirate with his cool fushsia bandana..rule for the game...u stick daggers into the barrel till he pops out..loser drinks...hilarious..i had problems getting him ouT!birthdae gal clara seemed lucky enough..haha along with cindy as well...who concussed midway thru the evening..

lazy weekend...went over to cindy's place N celebrated clara's bdAe with wat else?drinks n whitechocolate mango cheesecake...love the mango.but white choc n cheesecake is too sweet n rich to be my fave..haha..gimme dark chocs anytime.=) didn't really much to be honest..i drank more but concussed back home while still seated at the table with the lappie on..causing worried msgs on msn, missed calls, sleepless nitez, one worried person and me feeling damn guilty for making YOu feel this way..sowie! =* guess too many late nites and drinks dun mix well. seriously thinking of quitting considering this is the second time i have 'blacked out' and that i should be more responsible for my own well being and cause others to worry about me..especially when i keep telling people to take care of themselveS!haha..alritey then..heres a pic of us warming up to drinkS with our fave pirate...

a day of mixed feelings, woke up late..at 952am and rushed like superman to get out and made it to my 10am tute, but of course i was late by 10mins..and breathless when i reached the room, whatever i had read and prepared earlier all seem to be lost with every breath i took, felt really kuku but heez as for the reason why i was late..it surely brought a smile to my face..anyday. =) went on to mit lindsay for lunch after i was done for the day, ain was suppose to join us but she couldn't make it last minute and i devoured a plate of fried rice with honey chicken (no brekkie la) while catching up with lindsay..hmm so sad to hear that one of her friends passed away across the weekend from a traffic accident..made me feel really thoughtful..and feeling kinda morbid at the tots that we as humans are so frail and not in control at times that someone can just go..just like tat...without warning..without signz..i felt so weak and vulnerable at that time. was heading home after lunch but decided to do some readings and note taking at uni with ain,who joined us later..was busking in the glorious sun which was so magnificent today..almost mocking the feelings of grief that i know haunted lindsay..bought a pint of beer and nursed it while reading 3 chapters of a book on pearl harbour. went off to the city to do some grocery shopping..cheap crisps on sale..but ended up strolling into a surf shop and buying a pullover, teeshirt and black thonged slippers..please note the slippers..heee overall rather pleased with the day as items were on 40% sale.cool! headed off to ain's & lindsay's apartment and that was when lindsay saw the news report online about her friend's tragic departure from this world...tears flowed n it felt really terrible as immediately i thought of the times i think to myself..wat would be the reaction and thoughts of those around be?should they were to recieve such news?totally flabbergasted..i wished i never had to go thru such an ordeal..we can be strong..but theres only so much a person can take at times...no matter how strong we are..i totally rejected the idea that someting terrible could happen to my loved ones..immediately i felt a lump in my throat...n considered..sad as it is that He has to leave the world in this fashion...the bit that really touched me was how much he was and how much he meant to those around him..though cruel to be yanked from living just like tat..blessed he is to be missed and reminisced like he is now.. said a prayer for him and chanted for him, even though i did not know him..i felt that it was really twisted how he came to leave this world.. i wonder how many of us would realise at times when we turn people away from us..that the next thing you know...this person might just be gone from your life...we can''t win the battle with destiny n time...will it be too late then to realise what u have lost?feeling really morbid..i realised how much i wanted to be with my dearie and family now..appreciate those around you and i realised...we should never take tings for granted..so fragile life is..there can be no second chance. i wonder too...how life will be?would it be too late to 'regret', lament the 'loss' or wished you 'could' have 'done' someting? when u should have?really emo now..to my dearest closest kite thats always in my mind...i just can't say how much u mean to me and that i really love u. minute of silence...like a light that burns..illuminating those around it..when the flame flickers n dies..darkness..surrounds us

ahhh such a sunny and pleasant weather for sun!the day feels great and it's even better when you feel good inside of u!don't we all like to have this feeling of being in the midst of great companionship?frenz, a better half, sibling,etc..we all love great company and it feels even stronger when you share a special bond with your special someone!the feeling is should i put it as what i ate for post dinner dessert..italian gelati, roche and baileys and cream flavoured..its a double whammy!u feel so good just enjoying the fusion of the two flavours!it just doesn't feel this way when you have it one at a time..only when the two scoops melt and infuse their flavours together..do you get that true indescribable taste and feeling of great gelati.."would u like some?n Stroll along lygon st with me!" likewise, in relationships, only when the individual (scoops) open up and get really into each other, will you feel n almost taste the blissful infusion of two people in love!it tastes good by itself, but heavenly when two complementary flavours/people immerse themselves into what they are doing!slurpz..kekeke ain't life great?! this i whispered.....gently...to YOU

i took a long deliberate walk to the city today after class, went to the library to do my research for my history subject and i think the research topic i shall be undertaking will be the role of air superiority in ww2 allowed the US to consolidate their status as the world's biggest war machine. but so much for uni work.hehe the purpose of the long walk..allowed me to take in the sights of the city which i never thought about whenever i pass by..i wonder as i walked through..will it occur to me one day when i am about to leave melbourne after completion of my studies, that i will miss this place? even though i been lamenting that i want to go home since day one of arriving here?does it really mean that we only pathetically regret or miss someone, place, etc when we no longer are associated with it?ain't that a sad piece of reality for u today?i duno..in fact i think i might, miss the life here in melb, it always looks betta, greener on the other side...esp when i return to unit, i think i will regret coming bk to spore..haha..but oh well..the country is where i belong to and there's people whom i need to go back to. no regrets there man. therefore i took this opportunity to admire what this place is all about...the coffee places, the lawns where u can just sit down n lay there with a book, a loved one or just by yourself and while the day away..the cool breezes and huge parks here, the sights and sounds of ang mohs and life here! i soaked it in this evening...i want to have memories of this place..n indeed i will have them..we all have memories..some good some not so pleasant..but these memories make us who we are and we are a part of those unpleasant memories too..i dun want to be an incomplete person..all these contains bits and pieces of us..we leave our mark in this world..on other people's lives thru memories. so i ask myself..sad ain't it..only loss will make one realise how important somethings really are..i dun like the sound of that..whoever said this must have been someone whom didn't appreciate what belonged to him/her then...but seriously...we dun or never do lose a person/place/pet completely..even if there are no longer a part of our lives..we will always have something that no one can take away..memories..if you keep these memories real close to your heart, you can still feel and close to your mind, you can still imagine and visualise these thoughts. appreciate what you have now too and make pleasant memories of what you are enjoying now...things change..people come n go, frens gather and part, u fall in love and out of love, u breathe your first and you gasp for that last breathe...but memories dun and never go away..so if there is one thing that i could bring with me ..even when i go..it would be for the memories..good or bad..to remain with me..i said enough.

man i miss my parents..dun they look good together?hehee i miss home cooked food ..argh..hmm anyway..its National day in spore..so i figure alot of us are just enjoying the extended long weekend at home, probably relaxing and letting time past by u..hmm been here for two weeks already..pretty quick...anyway..i need to start to figure out some of my essays ..some due early next month man..haha..hmm do i feel anything since its national day?hmm..frankly..wah.no leh..dun feel a thing..since i been a participant...in 02..i had the feeling of patriotism..but being so far and not involved anymore..its hard to elicit any kinda passion eh...does this means the same for ur loved ones as well?if u still keep them close to your heart and mind..u will still feel excited about them, etc..its just that i did not carry my nationalist heart over this time round..hehe..really tired..gonna grab some shuteye and catch up with you readers soon..zzzzZZZ

its a sunny saturday here!what a pleasant surprise!hee..sometime the weather does reflect ur emotional state..on other occasions..it can really make a mockery of hw u are feeling..thats pretty true for radio programs too..ever noticed when u are feeling low..it seems to be playing all the emo n soppy love lost n unrequited songs?haha...twisted eh life?well..all the more we should face it with the strength and belief that its worth living for every moment. no longer should we live life with fear of things we can't control..what we can control is what we do to our lives..not the other way around..really glad to have been out last night..as usual..drinks were aplenty.company awesome and addictively hilarious, even had time to emo with lindsay n Ain, two of my closest friends here in melb..we dun really hang out that much last sem, but really clicked when we met again this sem round?when u open ur hearts and minds to one another..u really do feel that others do the same to u too..well not all..but if u are lucky..u be able to find those whom u can share a good laugh, corny jokes, sad moments, a stiff sambuca and tandoori chicken salad. been up doing laundry and getting my studies here all mapped out..have not been really into studies since i been back.but no woris..no longer do i feel daunted..i even feel excited! betta go study already...need a nap too..not been sleeping much la..keke but thats beginning to become my routine around here. yippeeeee..rainbows and jolly green giants, life so mysterious, so different. skooting on my lill wee rocketship, u made me danced, laughed and flipped!

emotional basketcase. i always wonder if i am such a person..someone who can't control my own emotionals..which seem to be rollercoastering lately.sometimes i believe i will go bonkers or even worst..i alienate all these feelings that i become numb and cold? it does make you feel weak and hapless doesn't it?when you can't control your ownself,own emotions and actions? you feel silly that you felt this way, acted in a particular fashion or generally peeved that you didn't know this side of you could exist? does this mean we are not whom we seem to be? everyone looks good on the outside, whats going on within the person's inner most thoughts and feelings?its hard ain't it?especially when u have time to let your mind run wild? i wish i could bury myself with work and just counter this..but i am sure all of us know, somethings do take greater importance even though it seems very clear and logical? does letting our emotions take control over us make us irrational and delusional? sometimes we all need an avenue to let out our emotional screams and cries! aAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH anyway to take my mind off the matter, i looked thru photos and chanted as well, it does take my mind off things and in a way, able to look at things from a calmer and different perspective. so sad, i can;t run anymore in the evenings..its so darn cold and windy..gonna curl up under the covers and do some soul searching..i just hope my brain does not freeze in the process. i think and i reminisce..i miss my time in Spore so very much..especially the days just before i flew back? as i look at the calender that silently gazes at me from up there on the wall..i realise its gonna be a long 3 months..3 months too long.

sleepyhead

i feel extremely bushed out, tired, exhausted, spent, worn out.
gonna curl up underneath my quilt and sleep for awhile.
have loads on mymind but its so messy i can't pen them down.
hoping for a good rest that will clear my head as well as give this old bag of bones a good rest.

Uni been great so far, having survived last semester, it all seems to be a breeze now, with relation to what to expect and do, essays are a different problem altogether.

will be having headaches soon as to how to find a new roomie once meina leaves, hopes she starts finding someone soon.

fingers aren't responding well...i really need to rest before i PENG SAN.
my thoughts go out to you all.

i been out in the city this afternoon, collected my fotos..n struggling with the fact that i had less then ten dollars with me..went on to meet xiaomin as shes here on flight..went arnd shopping..ten bucks can't get u nothing so its all window for me.i felt swamped by a pinkish tidal wave as i saw the colour all over shops in the city..man...just when i was thinking about getting a pink top man..saw some pretty good ones too..on the racks..but duno hw they look when u wear em..heheee..nid to get my cheque cleared first..had dinner with her and her friends and adjourned for chitchat at her place..realised that openness with your heart beckons others to open theirs to you as well...its really heartwarming knowing this..i really feel blessed when it comes to friends and relationships with them..its been a swell bunch here n in spore as well!geez..sometimes i wonder where i be and what i be doing without them..open your heart and embrace those around you..don't build walls..build relationships to be cherished and savoured ..like good wine...wat u get out of it..is what u put in it..n where u store it..keep them close to your heart....<> a song that i realli realli like!

of course..have a smoking genie or should i say faery in this case?heeeez

justin obviously tinks so as he gives the thumbs up..

beer, sambuca,vodka, barcadi and wine..wat else can u ask for on a cold night filled with warmth of friends?

alrite folks..pics from my boozing/chill out session at Lindsay's place..man..i feel diff after tat nite..theres so much love in the world man...even among strangers..haha..heres us having a good time and laugh in between drinks..

i just love the way my camera takes pics in ambient light..this was like in reali dark conditions with just a few lamps within the room..haha...lindsay's puckering up for a good one eh?keke..

i had a great weekend!fri nite lounging and drinking at stellar bar at melbourne city..the place wasn't stellar..as always..the company is what matters..loved chatting to valerie and abeleena, both of them are returning home soon, makes me so envious that they are....sob sob...well...the redish decor reminds me of a certain place back in spore..embargo..a place i love to go lounging...i been there recently while i was back in spore..its great..had great fun drinking and eating..keke...their pizzas are quite tasty U noe?!? haha...sat nite/sun morn was filled with more drinking at lindsay's place...booozed and played silly games that really tested my knowledge of movies, played celebrity..its darn fun yeah! good company and good food and drinks..its a wonder why the neighbours did not complain..ooh i forgot..its not singapore..keke..whahaha...dun u love it when u embrace life..embrace love and face whatever is ahead of u, your future?made so many new friends today..some i met before..but strengthened the bonds this morning..its amazing what drinks and silly games can do for friendship building. its beginning to look sunny here in cold windy wet melbourne..hehe..coz the sunshines coming from the spotless mind...ooh clementine...how i miss you so...you know who you are!=P check out the mantra of the day. chooose life!