情深的一句 (烈火戰車)
冷風吹 心裡空虛 車飛向遠方在無力傷心的人
是誰人漸累 情也漸累 停住了的心偏卻是醉
* 咀邊濕透是淚 沒有勇氣說再會又伴隨
推不開心中的罪 留住你我放棄了負累
再拚命追 渡過的從前 今天過去明僚原來曾令你
真的太心碎 明白到心死不可再追
# 啊...面對當年情真心說句祈求完全原諒我
當初的不對在你離開的一刻說出 情深的一句
(唯一的一句)
this one is for you brutha ong..
lets sing!haha
edwin!i need to KALAOKIE..hahahhhhaha
Friday, April 30, 2004
dishwalla
Home
I'm so sick and tired
of all these things
that drag me down
I've got no where to go
they say that life
is in these hands
you give everything
you give yourself away you give
and still you choke
and find yourself running for the door
come and take me
home
lead me to your door
take me where you are
lead me to your door
at least just for a while
its some kind of life
forever days
we're in the cold
unfamiliar way
so take this fear
and fade it out
it won't make me sad
cause I get sentimental lord
in other ways
and I don't want to let me down here anymore
so come and take me home
lead me to your door
take me where you are
lead me to your door
and let me in
just let me in
and let me leave
just let me leave this world
come on now let me leave this world
at least just for a while
I'm so sick and tired
of all these things
that drag me down
I've got no where to go
they say that life
is in these hands
you give everything
you give yourself away you give
and still you choke
and find yourself running for the door
come and take me
home
lead me to your door
take me where you are
lead me to your door
at least just for a while
its some kind of life
forever days
we're in the cold
unfamiliar way
so take this fear
and fade it out
it won't make me sad
cause I get sentimental lord
in other ways
and I don't want to let me down here anymore
so come and take me home
lead me to your door
take me where you are
lead me to your door
and let me in
just let me in
and let me leave
just let me leave this world
come on now let me leave this world
at least just for a while
Thursday, April 29, 2004
so near yet so far.
ever experienced the irony of how while one is so far away in terms of distance, yet they could be closer emotionally?
well back home, i always took for granted that home is just half an hour away..n tat if i didn;t call home today..i probably could talk to them when i get back on the weekends..it kinda got complacent..
mum told me..tat i been calling home more often now compared to when i was in spore and we talked more now..compared to then.
ironic eh? or rational? since the opportunity to do so is limited now due to the distance..?
no matter the reason..i am glad how tings turned out..how the family has gotten closer n with all the problems we are facing..we found strength through unity. its good to know that in adversity ..some good things come to brighten up the gloom.
__________________
i came to realise now that its funny how u can learn certain life's little lessons from just about anything..if u really look into it..
its time to move on..i've harboured hopes that i knew within myself that were just too difficult to realise.
somethings just ain;t meant to be.And no one will ever know how it feels to feel like i did.
try they might..but they will never get it right.
and i came to my senses.On a cold melbourne night
well back home, i always took for granted that home is just half an hour away..n tat if i didn;t call home today..i probably could talk to them when i get back on the weekends..it kinda got complacent..
mum told me..tat i been calling home more often now compared to when i was in spore and we talked more now..compared to then.
ironic eh? or rational? since the opportunity to do so is limited now due to the distance..?
no matter the reason..i am glad how tings turned out..how the family has gotten closer n with all the problems we are facing..we found strength through unity. its good to know that in adversity ..some good things come to brighten up the gloom.
__________________
i came to realise now that its funny how u can learn certain life's little lessons from just about anything..if u really look into it..
its time to move on..i've harboured hopes that i knew within myself that were just too difficult to realise.
somethings just ain;t meant to be.And no one will ever know how it feels to feel like i did.
try they might..but they will never get it right.
and i came to my senses.On a cold melbourne night
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.
ever wished u cld hv part of a lousy bit of ur life erased so it doesn't come n haunt u?not to hurt u?or to make u feel silly?
if you could....wld it make u a different person altogether?
could one such experience/memory be so dramatic tat its life changing?
tink..near death experiences,bad childhood memories,etc...
they say to love like u never been hurt. who are these people?
have they been hurt before? it is true ..u shld love like u nvr been hurt..with ur utmost fullhearted effort.
but it does change u ..won;t it?no matter what it is in life..happy times or bad times..it no doubts leaves a mark,scar on you..or your perspective or attitude towards life in general.
how can we ignore the past..when it is what constitutes our very existence today?
some memories just do not go away...
if you could....wld it make u a different person altogether?
could one such experience/memory be so dramatic tat its life changing?
tink..near death experiences,bad childhood memories,etc...
they say to love like u never been hurt. who are these people?
have they been hurt before? it is true ..u shld love like u nvr been hurt..with ur utmost fullhearted effort.
but it does change u ..won;t it?no matter what it is in life..happy times or bad times..it no doubts leaves a mark,scar on you..or your perspective or attitude towards life in general.
how can we ignore the past..when it is what constitutes our very existence today?
some memories just do not go away...
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
excerpt from alexander pope
How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;
Labour and rest, that equal periods keep;
"Obedient slumbers that can wake and weep;"
Desires compos'd, affections ever ev'n,
Tears that delight, and sighs that waft to Heav'n.
Grace shines around her with serenest beams,
And whisp'ring angels prompt her golden dreams.
For her th' unfading rose of Eden blooms,
And wings of seraphs shed divine perfumes,
For her the Spouse prepares the bridal ring,
For her white virgins hymeneals sing,
To sounds of heav'nly harps she dies away,
And melts in visions of eternal day
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;
Labour and rest, that equal periods keep;
"Obedient slumbers that can wake and weep;"
Desires compos'd, affections ever ev'n,
Tears that delight, and sighs that waft to Heav'n.
Grace shines around her with serenest beams,
And whisp'ring angels prompt her golden dreams.
For her th' unfading rose of Eden blooms,
And wings of seraphs shed divine perfumes,
For her the Spouse prepares the bridal ring,
For her white virgins hymeneals sing,
To sounds of heav'nly harps she dies away,
And melts in visions of eternal day
a tale of two movies
ydae i watched eternal sunshine of the spotless mind..its a fantastic movie abt relationships..boy girl kind.
it may be duh to some..but it reali is thought provoking for me.
and late on tv here in aust..they showed forever fever..i nvr seen it in spore..haha its terrible man..the singlish tat they used..i was wonderin..my gosh..it makes singaporeans look reali farni..keke.
the good and the bad..
has been a while since i wrote..
i think i am fallin ill..try to be clever..went running late in the cold night..haha..
i been waitin for an email...i wonder whats taking so long..it seems so deja vu...
it may be duh to some..but it reali is thought provoking for me.
and late on tv here in aust..they showed forever fever..i nvr seen it in spore..haha its terrible man..the singlish tat they used..i was wonderin..my gosh..it makes singaporeans look reali farni..keke.
the good and the bad..
has been a while since i wrote..
i think i am fallin ill..try to be clever..went running late in the cold night..haha..
i been waitin for an email...i wonder whats taking so long..it seems so deja vu...
Thursday, April 22, 2004
mui fan anyone?
its rather quiet without meina around..hope everything is ok over at her side. cooked mui fan tonight..haha u know the thingy they sell at zhi-char stalls back home..the gravy, meat and veggies with rice?
not too bad i would say..but still i suppose its only passable fare for guys who went through army who would say that..
okie i admit..i am a bad cook..but i will get it one day..heez
kinda lost as to what to do..cept study..cook..tv..and running..i went running again today..did a slow paced run..and i felt great..hope to run twice a week hopefully through winter too..
running to me has become rather therapeutic...it calms me..relieves stress, makes me forget my troubles and best of all..i get to feel tired physically..a feeling that is a luxury here..u might think i am crazy..but u can;t have a strong mind without a strong body..sometimes mental stress and exhertion is worst then the physical sort.
another week has passed..and hopefully tomorrow lynn arrives here in melb..and we cld do some catching up...shes here with her bf and would make great company..esp since meina is not around. really glad that some of my friends get to come over once in a while..
it makes it easier to ease into living here.
called home too to check out some recipes with mum..still..haha..i betta 'suffer' myself before i cook for anyone..esp those with a choosey appetite.
i realised how much i missed the spore scene when i called to wish jimmy happy birthday ydae nite...he was at DBL O ..haha cheap boooze..whr u expect to find like minded friends of mine? he was getting really wasted with all the guys back there intent on making him drunk..
i wish i were there to down a few drinks with him too..we both wish so much to catch up over drinks and i guess he has alot to tell me?
hey brudder..just let me know man..and thanks for your support all this while.
brudder ong..the guy who makes the best friend..kaki..fellow officer (i always think he is much betta then me in all aspects at work.) i hope u get a great full time job soon..we'll drink to that when i return.
kinda breaking out all over my face..no doubt due to all the 5am nites that i been keeping..i feel like a..old man with zits!haha
think i shall make some green bean soup tomorrow to balance the yang energies within..need some ying yea..haha......i reali nid to TAO LIANG..gettting heaty ..
not too bad i would say..but still i suppose its only passable fare for guys who went through army who would say that..
okie i admit..i am a bad cook..but i will get it one day..heez
kinda lost as to what to do..cept study..cook..tv..and running..i went running again today..did a slow paced run..and i felt great..hope to run twice a week hopefully through winter too..
running to me has become rather therapeutic...it calms me..relieves stress, makes me forget my troubles and best of all..i get to feel tired physically..a feeling that is a luxury here..u might think i am crazy..but u can;t have a strong mind without a strong body..sometimes mental stress and exhertion is worst then the physical sort.
another week has passed..and hopefully tomorrow lynn arrives here in melb..and we cld do some catching up...shes here with her bf and would make great company..esp since meina is not around. really glad that some of my friends get to come over once in a while..
it makes it easier to ease into living here.
called home too to check out some recipes with mum..still..haha..i betta 'suffer' myself before i cook for anyone..esp those with a choosey appetite.
i realised how much i missed the spore scene when i called to wish jimmy happy birthday ydae nite...he was at DBL O ..haha cheap boooze..whr u expect to find like minded friends of mine? he was getting really wasted with all the guys back there intent on making him drunk..
i wish i were there to down a few drinks with him too..we both wish so much to catch up over drinks and i guess he has alot to tell me?
hey brudder..just let me know man..and thanks for your support all this while.
brudder ong..the guy who makes the best friend..kaki..fellow officer (i always think he is much betta then me in all aspects at work.) i hope u get a great full time job soon..we'll drink to that when i return.
kinda breaking out all over my face..no doubt due to all the 5am nites that i been keeping..i feel like a..old man with zits!haha
think i shall make some green bean soup tomorrow to balance the yang energies within..need some ying yea..haha......i reali nid to TAO LIANG..gettting heaty ..
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
old man lament
Happy Birthday Brudder Jimmy..all time sleeping kaki,beer guzzleing,chiong and makan teochew muay partner in crime! happy birthday to you!
i guess you must be at some club having fun.
have my share..i wish i could join you man..i am rreally in need of entertainment n more imptly..kakis like you arnd.
here without you.( n pls i am not Gay.)
A hundred days had made me older since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder and I don’t think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separate
They disappeared now when I’m dreaming of your face
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it’s only you and me
The miles just keep rolling as the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated but I hope that it gets better as we go
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it’s only you and me
Everything I know, and anywhere I go
it gets hard but it won’t take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it’s all said and done
it gets hard but it won’t take away my love
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it’s only you and me
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
but tonight girl it’s only you and me
i guess you must be at some club having fun.
have my share..i wish i could join you man..i am rreally in need of entertainment n more imptly..kakis like you arnd.
here without you.( n pls i am not Gay.)
A hundred days had made me older since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder and I don’t think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separate
They disappeared now when I’m dreaming of your face
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it’s only you and me
The miles just keep rolling as the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated but I hope that it gets better as we go
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it’s only you and me
Everything I know, and anywhere I go
it gets hard but it won’t take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it’s all said and done
it gets hard but it won’t take away my love
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it’s only you and me
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
but tonight girl it’s only you and me
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
big fish..it must be some higher, cosmic order that led me to you
i am supposed to do my readings for my tute presentation tml..but tat cld wait.
i just caught big fish..its a movie starring ewan mcgregor..its a really nice n touching movie to me..esp since i was on the whole father son relationship, male bonding, familiy ties issue. coz the movie is all about this!
it mus have been some divine intervention that led me to see tis flick.wow!
i was so inspired to write after that ..i cldn't ctrl myself..keke
so the story is kinda like well most guys story with their dads?
u never know what your dad is truly like? to borrow from the show..he is like an iceberg..u only see 10% of him..the rest of him..u never can truly know...
how the story goes is how this guy is so fed up with his father's constant yarn spining..making stories outta everyting..like fantasy like stuff..he is so fed up coz his father always make a big story abt his birthday...tats when the dad caught like this BIG FISH!its like a monster catfish..
they end up not speaking to each other for 3years.. sounds familiar? well..more of like have some of us not reali spoken to our dads..
so the story goes..the dad had cancer..n the son returns..wantin to find out more abt this dad of his..whos past is always fantasy inspired..theres too much to say..but it all goes on with that while he goes on to know more abt his dad..he realises.that what he hated the dad for..his constant storytellng n fantasizing of life itself..is reali all true!
but the dad is in critical condition n slowly the two bond with the son realising why his dad made up all those stories..u gotta see it..its a great film for inculcating family values esp abt father and son relationships.
i was rather moved at the end of the movie..of course the dad passes away..but his son finally understood him...too late?better then never..
so dun wait...
life is only tis short..its not enuff for a lifetime of regret when it comes to the point where he is not around..
i just caught big fish..its a movie starring ewan mcgregor..its a really nice n touching movie to me..esp since i was on the whole father son relationship, male bonding, familiy ties issue. coz the movie is all about this!
it mus have been some divine intervention that led me to see tis flick.wow!
i was so inspired to write after that ..i cldn't ctrl myself..keke
so the story is kinda like well most guys story with their dads?
u never know what your dad is truly like? to borrow from the show..he is like an iceberg..u only see 10% of him..the rest of him..u never can truly know...
how the story goes is how this guy is so fed up with his father's constant yarn spining..making stories outta everyting..like fantasy like stuff..he is so fed up coz his father always make a big story abt his birthday...tats when the dad caught like this BIG FISH!its like a monster catfish..
they end up not speaking to each other for 3years.. sounds familiar? well..more of like have some of us not reali spoken to our dads..
so the story goes..the dad had cancer..n the son returns..wantin to find out more abt this dad of his..whos past is always fantasy inspired..theres too much to say..but it all goes on with that while he goes on to know more abt his dad..he realises.that what he hated the dad for..his constant storytellng n fantasizing of life itself..is reali all true!
but the dad is in critical condition n slowly the two bond with the son realising why his dad made up all those stories..u gotta see it..its a great film for inculcating family values esp abt father and son relationships.
i was rather moved at the end of the movie..of course the dad passes away..but his son finally understood him...too late?better then never..
so dun wait...
life is only tis short..its not enuff for a lifetime of regret when it comes to the point where he is not around..
Sunday, April 18, 2004
vietnamese chicken special pho
completed my assignments today!yeah..haha well i do not know how well they will do, but the sense of accomplishment felt relieving.
a couple more essays due in may and june and i would be back home then!kekeke =P
wish me luck and good grades.
went to Myers to get some winter clothing as they were having a sale. its a real sale. discounts start at 20% to 25% reduction. unlike the miserly 10 to 15% in Singapore.
got myself a jacket and a long sleeved ribbed tee. theres this nice jacket that i saw that really caught my eye. but its too expensive!almost 250 bucks man!gosh.
well..maybe i will invest in a really good one..but hmm not now...i will see how cold it is here before deciding.
had a really delicious dinner out with meina at Mekong at swanston st. i love their chilli oil..its the only form of proper spicy chilli here, besides cut chilli. those who know me will know how deprived i am..without my beloved chillis!sighz..
their spring rolls are really fantastic..you all should try it if you are here!
back to skool on mon..its gonna be another six weeks of lects, tutes and more readings...
i was thinking i kinda got back on track with studying since the whole easter break i was doing my essays and reading and it made me understood the stuff i was doing better.saw kai en and his gf at mekongs too..man..the protein freak still ain;t giving up..saw him lugging home 4X2litres of milk back home.gosh..won't he get lactose intolerance?keke
was hoping to go online..but i guess for once i better sleep earlier..its early for my 5am standard..its about 3 now..but i think i better not try to become an insomiac..
i retire into the cold authumn night with the sounds of Tori amos and Wu Bai...
good night all ye beautiful people.
a couple more essays due in may and june and i would be back home then!kekeke =P
wish me luck and good grades.
went to Myers to get some winter clothing as they were having a sale. its a real sale. discounts start at 20% to 25% reduction. unlike the miserly 10 to 15% in Singapore.
got myself a jacket and a long sleeved ribbed tee. theres this nice jacket that i saw that really caught my eye. but its too expensive!almost 250 bucks man!gosh.
well..maybe i will invest in a really good one..but hmm not now...i will see how cold it is here before deciding.
had a really delicious dinner out with meina at Mekong at swanston st. i love their chilli oil..its the only form of proper spicy chilli here, besides cut chilli. those who know me will know how deprived i am..without my beloved chillis!sighz..
their spring rolls are really fantastic..you all should try it if you are here!
back to skool on mon..its gonna be another six weeks of lects, tutes and more readings...
i was thinking i kinda got back on track with studying since the whole easter break i was doing my essays and reading and it made me understood the stuff i was doing better.saw kai en and his gf at mekongs too..man..the protein freak still ain;t giving up..saw him lugging home 4X2litres of milk back home.gosh..won't he get lactose intolerance?keke
was hoping to go online..but i guess for once i better sleep earlier..its early for my 5am standard..its about 3 now..but i think i better not try to become an insomiac..
i retire into the cold authumn night with the sounds of Tori amos and Wu Bai...
good night all ye beautiful people.
Saturday, April 17, 2004
sleepless in seattle, miserable in melbourne
i just watched sleepless in seattle..again..on tv here in melb.
it was so classic..so heartwarming..so bittersweet and so painful..how tom hanks and his onscreen son were like.
thought i was gonna go on about some romance and boy girl stuff again?
well tats the primary storyline behind the show.but.
i felt a special feeling while i watched how close father and son was..and wondered..how many of us..guys especially..get along well with our dads? is there something wrong with us? is it in our culture to be at loggerheads with our dads?isit a guy thing? blame it on the hormones, the instinctive male need to dominate? i dunno..but it seems like so..yet its so sad. sorry for those of us whom neglect the importance of the father figure..to a certain degree, asian culture does create a strict and hierarchical relationship within the family..often the dad plays the disciplinarian..
do we grow up then thinkin always that he is just a distant figure..someone whos all about punishing you when u did wrong?well i did..and whats terrible about this whole thing is that it;s a viscous cycle..u end up being further and further from the very one who made u what u are..often the father is the mistaken figure in the family...
being typically guyish..he doesn't talk much..pride..genes..watever..its not like an asian dad to talk much to his kids..
especially our dads generation..where they have been brought up like so...
its really no fault of theirs..we..the fortunate ones..having been educated and brought up differently with western nfluences thru everydae life should know better..
its time to make that change..and talk to your dad..i know of some who are really close to their dads too..but often its based not on kinship...but on sports..business, superficial issues.
i felt that i have not done enough to let my dad know how much he means to me..
we all celebrate mothers day like theres no tomorrow..ever want to feel how it feels on fathers day? continue to ignore the other most important person in your life. its miserable if you were to think about it.
start talking..i am sure he will respond in kind..ever since i got here..i made a point to talk to my dad everytime i called back..even though he doesn't say much..i know he cares..mum always tell me..how dad is reading the papers and saying..its gonna be cold in aust..wonder how i am doing..the father figure doesn;t say it out all the time...he lacks the communication skills to let us know he loves us too..he;s a man of few words..but always there behind the scenes and you..
don;t start lamenting when its too late..coz u never tried when u had the chance..don't let that happen..and do not let the past..of how he used to beat you, how he seems so distant..how he deprived you of your supply of toys and fun...we will never understand how he feels or how he thinks..and we should not live in the past..
start appreciating him, your dad..the way you want your kid to be thinking of you when its your turn to be a dad.
he is a hero..a silent, behind the scenes hero..and you want to make him know ..that you know how hard and much he has done for you.
i love you dad.
it was so classic..so heartwarming..so bittersweet and so painful..how tom hanks and his onscreen son were like.
thought i was gonna go on about some romance and boy girl stuff again?
well tats the primary storyline behind the show.but.
i felt a special feeling while i watched how close father and son was..and wondered..how many of us..guys especially..get along well with our dads? is there something wrong with us? is it in our culture to be at loggerheads with our dads?isit a guy thing? blame it on the hormones, the instinctive male need to dominate? i dunno..but it seems like so..yet its so sad. sorry for those of us whom neglect the importance of the father figure..to a certain degree, asian culture does create a strict and hierarchical relationship within the family..often the dad plays the disciplinarian..
do we grow up then thinkin always that he is just a distant figure..someone whos all about punishing you when u did wrong?well i did..and whats terrible about this whole thing is that it;s a viscous cycle..u end up being further and further from the very one who made u what u are..often the father is the mistaken figure in the family...
being typically guyish..he doesn't talk much..pride..genes..watever..its not like an asian dad to talk much to his kids..
especially our dads generation..where they have been brought up like so...
its really no fault of theirs..we..the fortunate ones..having been educated and brought up differently with western nfluences thru everydae life should know better..
its time to make that change..and talk to your dad..i know of some who are really close to their dads too..but often its based not on kinship...but on sports..business, superficial issues.
i felt that i have not done enough to let my dad know how much he means to me..
we all celebrate mothers day like theres no tomorrow..ever want to feel how it feels on fathers day? continue to ignore the other most important person in your life. its miserable if you were to think about it.
start talking..i am sure he will respond in kind..ever since i got here..i made a point to talk to my dad everytime i called back..even though he doesn't say much..i know he cares..mum always tell me..how dad is reading the papers and saying..its gonna be cold in aust..wonder how i am doing..the father figure doesn;t say it out all the time...he lacks the communication skills to let us know he loves us too..he;s a man of few words..but always there behind the scenes and you..
don;t start lamenting when its too late..coz u never tried when u had the chance..don't let that happen..and do not let the past..of how he used to beat you, how he seems so distant..how he deprived you of your supply of toys and fun...we will never understand how he feels or how he thinks..and we should not live in the past..
start appreciating him, your dad..the way you want your kid to be thinking of you when its your turn to be a dad.
he is a hero..a silent, behind the scenes hero..and you want to make him know ..that you know how hard and much he has done for you.
i love you dad.
deja vu
the past few daes have been realli deja vu for me..i had the feeling that i hadn't experience for a long time..that particular liking for someone, the butterflies that go around in your stomach..the good ones.not those u get when u are gettin ready for exams and all, but the nice tingly feeling.
when someone finds their better half..do you feel happy for them that they did?and that probably since its what they want or like to have..that they will be happier therefore?
i've always like to feel the former, happy that they've got what they want and not made a compromise to their feelings..you can't make someone like you ..can you?
no matter how much you think you can do to make the person think otherwise..if it is not meant to be, it is pointless no matter what you do. i have this friend, who believes in the the theory of shamelessly and unrelentlingly pursueing the person that he desires. try try and try again..well...i dunno..somehow it seems to work for him...hahah
its always the other guy that gets the girl...
but being human, i am weak and at times,i like to think otherwise..why is it not me?
sometimes..its not tat i dun mean it..but saying i hope you are happy being with your better half takes alot out of a person. am i really such a gracious person to smile at the face of defeat? but wait..what if there was no competition in the first place..only you imagined that there is..what now?
"oh look what you done, you made a fool of everyone.."
straight out of the lyrics of jET, an aussie band..this is one of their songs that i love!
do they play it back home?
i was hoping to go watch eternal sunshine soon..its a twisted romantic comedy flick starring jim carrey..its about how a couple after breaking up..erases their memories of being ever together..but yet..they encounter each other again..and fall in love again...thats about all i know about the show..i'll go watch it and if spore is not showing it yet, i reccomend all of you emotional diehards out there or those whos ever had unrequited love or just feel like a movie to watch with you
ovedones, someone you like, etc..then this is the show..a must watch!
if only life is as such..memories that can be erased..for it is often the memories, that makes us linger.. and torments us
so...
"you got me wrapped around your finger ahhhhhuhh, do you have to let it linger, do you have to do you have to, do you have to let it linger?"
its not anyones fault..for it is ourselves whom choose to let it affect us..its just not easy to let go at times..
when someone finds their better half..do you feel happy for them that they did?and that probably since its what they want or like to have..that they will be happier therefore?
i've always like to feel the former, happy that they've got what they want and not made a compromise to their feelings..you can't make someone like you ..can you?
no matter how much you think you can do to make the person think otherwise..if it is not meant to be, it is pointless no matter what you do. i have this friend, who believes in the the theory of shamelessly and unrelentlingly pursueing the person that he desires. try try and try again..well...i dunno..somehow it seems to work for him...hahah
its always the other guy that gets the girl...
but being human, i am weak and at times,i like to think otherwise..why is it not me?
sometimes..its not tat i dun mean it..but saying i hope you are happy being with your better half takes alot out of a person. am i really such a gracious person to smile at the face of defeat? but wait..what if there was no competition in the first place..only you imagined that there is..what now?
"oh look what you done, you made a fool of everyone.."
straight out of the lyrics of jET, an aussie band..this is one of their songs that i love!
do they play it back home?
i was hoping to go watch eternal sunshine soon..its a twisted romantic comedy flick starring jim carrey..its about how a couple after breaking up..erases their memories of being ever together..but yet..they encounter each other again..and fall in love again...thats about all i know about the show..i'll go watch it and if spore is not showing it yet, i reccomend all of you emotional diehards out there or those whos ever had unrequited love or just feel like a movie to watch with you
ovedones, someone you like, etc..then this is the show..a must watch!
if only life is as such..memories that can be erased..for it is often the memories, that makes us linger.. and torments us
so...
"you got me wrapped around your finger ahhhhhuhh, do you have to let it linger, do you have to do you have to, do you have to let it linger?"
its not anyones fault..for it is ourselves whom choose to let it affect us..its just not easy to let go at times..
Friday, April 16, 2004
the night is young
i had a web cam session todae.haha...its was cool...though she said its like watchin blair witch when i showed her my room thru the webcam..haha
i felt dizzy too..
i've got another few days to do up my remaining 1000word essay..so far so good..
went runnin tis evenin..felt good man to run again..esp after all the chicken curry..hopin to maintain tis all the way..i feel faster..i duno..hah
its almost the end of the easter break..n its mid apr aldy..wat u noe..hah..soon i be back again..whaha.get ready guys..i am lookin forward to all the beer, food and company!
keep in touch..stay healthy and miss u all lots
huggies!
love-eric
i felt dizzy too..
i've got another few days to do up my remaining 1000word essay..so far so good..
went runnin tis evenin..felt good man to run again..esp after all the chicken curry..hopin to maintain tis all the way..i feel faster..i duno..hah
its almost the end of the easter break..n its mid apr aldy..wat u noe..hah..soon i be back again..whaha.get ready guys..i am lookin forward to all the beer, food and company!
keep in touch..stay healthy and miss u all lots
huggies!
love-eric
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
grow to love, love and grow?
too much chicken curry man! but it was great..made me homesick though..keke =P
easter break almost coming to an end..finishing on one of my two essays due on mon and probably work on the other later on or tml... time moves fast...i wish i were packing to go back home now and see all u guys/gals who matter alot to me!
i was just pondering..as well as procrastinating on doing my work on the possiblities of growing to love someone? is it possible to find someone, whom u are comfy with all this while..n grow to love the person..well..fall in love? is it just being used to each others company? or feeling comfy being with the person tat makes it so?
or should it be the other way around?shouldn't we love the person..get together and grow emotionally together? well..at least tats the way i would have thought about it..having learnt the lesson the hard way..i lost possibly the best gal in the world.. coz we didn;t grow emotionally being together..
how is it that all this is being messed up in terms of order? i am not saying that theres a particular order in the start of a r/s. but..does it make a difference later on in the r/s?
how can we differentiate between whats being together coz u are comfy with each other..it seems almost out of convenience at times..which to me is a selfish act..well..i am no saint..when it comes to r/s..but i just wonder how miserable we really are..wantin to be someone just because we do not wish to be lonely.i dun wish to be alone too..yet..i duno if i shld commit myself into someting i am not sure of...
someone once said.. i think shes too cool for you... pondering on that..is it really true? tat some ppl are way out of ur league? too sophisticated for a simple and crude man like me? i agree that couples shld not be too diffferent in their lifestyles and personalities..but how does one equate sophistication into the picture? perhaps i am dreaming too..of a fairytale ending...
darn i shouldn't have read any of those books when i was younger.
i still can't believe the way alan n i made contact after losing touch since he came aust a yr ago..we wld hv nvr imagined sipping beer n havin curry in aust ever..its good to see him again..
easter break almost coming to an end..finishing on one of my two essays due on mon and probably work on the other later on or tml... time moves fast...i wish i were packing to go back home now and see all u guys/gals who matter alot to me!
i was just pondering..as well as procrastinating on doing my work on the possiblities of growing to love someone? is it possible to find someone, whom u are comfy with all this while..n grow to love the person..well..fall in love? is it just being used to each others company? or feeling comfy being with the person tat makes it so?
or should it be the other way around?shouldn't we love the person..get together and grow emotionally together? well..at least tats the way i would have thought about it..having learnt the lesson the hard way..i lost possibly the best gal in the world.. coz we didn;t grow emotionally being together..
how is it that all this is being messed up in terms of order? i am not saying that theres a particular order in the start of a r/s. but..does it make a difference later on in the r/s?
how can we differentiate between whats being together coz u are comfy with each other..it seems almost out of convenience at times..which to me is a selfish act..well..i am no saint..when it comes to r/s..but i just wonder how miserable we really are..wantin to be someone just because we do not wish to be lonely.i dun wish to be alone too..yet..i duno if i shld commit myself into someting i am not sure of...
someone once said.. i think shes too cool for you... pondering on that..is it really true? tat some ppl are way out of ur league? too sophisticated for a simple and crude man like me? i agree that couples shld not be too diffferent in their lifestyles and personalities..but how does one equate sophistication into the picture? perhaps i am dreaming too..of a fairytale ending...
darn i shouldn't have read any of those books when i was younger.
i still can't believe the way alan n i made contact after losing touch since he came aust a yr ago..we wld hv nvr imagined sipping beer n havin curry in aust ever..its good to see him again..
they say the best things in life are free.
can you put a pricetag on friends? well if you could...how much would i be worth?
can friendship be bought? whatever happens when friends end up what what u not expect them to be? have u ever felt let down by your friends?
wich leads me to the topic of what i wld like to call...the milo syndrome, it is affectionately renamed as such ( originally known as milo jing sheng..to those who remember ) to allow it to be better understood by more like minded individuals or those who have experienced it.
it goes back to a time 2or3 yrs ago? at the western part of our lovely island ..where boys are made into men in ten months.. the usual affair of the late night snack has always been highlighted with a particular friend of mine..he's alrite..cept for the creation of milo syndrome..he always makes a mad rush for the piping hot and delicious milo that is brought back..often..at the expense of others..drinking more..putting down more important tasks...just to get to the milo first..my buddies and i termed it the milo jing sheng..a hideous reflection of the selfish and nonchalent nature of men in times of adversity or perhaps times of normacy.
why are there people whom are selfish and selfless?with out the latter..you cannot define the former. how has humanity becomed like this?or has it been like this since time began?
i dunno much about history..but i always grew up to know..people in the past were more sociable, generous and possibly less selfish? have we degenerated to a state whereby we are about close doors upon ourselves and those dear to us?
already we hv spent less time talking to one another...sms has replaced phone calls..u email your colleagues, whos just in the cubicle next to you and generally you rather watch telly then join in some family gathering..it happens one way or another. no? haahaha =P
so to answer my dear friend's edwin pragmatic approach about the whole issue of US..being selfish..i would choose to believe it is more of a social construct that has made us into the social monsters we are...society has made us brainless followers of what we like to term.. ( the NORM ) so we have became mindless sheep mentality liked individuals in the world we live in..each trying to cocoon himself or someone close to him away from society.
like edwin mentioned.have we lost the capacity to choose our own paths? and perhaps, make a difference through the actions of one? will it work? this lofty ideal of being a social matryr?
i feel there is no need to change the ideals of oneself to make a difference in the sphere we live in..ultimately..there are numerous external forces at work that inhibit the change that we desire to create.
one against many, david vs goliath, it seems like a lost cause.
why not accept the world for what it is rather then hope to change it? avoidance of the issues at hand? an escapist mentality?
its just my way of resolving issues..accepting the situation and working not to change the cause.but to offer an alternative that accepts the situation?
the problems of milo syndrome? well...how about horlicks?
i spent the day reading on my essay research materials and blasting mp3s on my lappie..skipped the notion of heading out..essays more impt yeap.
i became a nocturnal creature lately..often retiring at 5am and waking at noon.
can friendship be bought? whatever happens when friends end up what what u not expect them to be? have u ever felt let down by your friends?
wich leads me to the topic of what i wld like to call...the milo syndrome, it is affectionately renamed as such ( originally known as milo jing sheng..to those who remember ) to allow it to be better understood by more like minded individuals or those who have experienced it.
it goes back to a time 2or3 yrs ago? at the western part of our lovely island ..where boys are made into men in ten months.. the usual affair of the late night snack has always been highlighted with a particular friend of mine..he's alrite..cept for the creation of milo syndrome..he always makes a mad rush for the piping hot and delicious milo that is brought back..often..at the expense of others..drinking more..putting down more important tasks...just to get to the milo first..my buddies and i termed it the milo jing sheng..a hideous reflection of the selfish and nonchalent nature of men in times of adversity or perhaps times of normacy.
why are there people whom are selfish and selfless?with out the latter..you cannot define the former. how has humanity becomed like this?or has it been like this since time began?
i dunno much about history..but i always grew up to know..people in the past were more sociable, generous and possibly less selfish? have we degenerated to a state whereby we are about close doors upon ourselves and those dear to us?
already we hv spent less time talking to one another...sms has replaced phone calls..u email your colleagues, whos just in the cubicle next to you and generally you rather watch telly then join in some family gathering..it happens one way or another. no? haahaha =P
so to answer my dear friend's edwin pragmatic approach about the whole issue of US..being selfish..i would choose to believe it is more of a social construct that has made us into the social monsters we are...society has made us brainless followers of what we like to term.. ( the NORM ) so we have became mindless sheep mentality liked individuals in the world we live in..each trying to cocoon himself or someone close to him away from society.
like edwin mentioned.have we lost the capacity to choose our own paths? and perhaps, make a difference through the actions of one? will it work? this lofty ideal of being a social matryr?
i feel there is no need to change the ideals of oneself to make a difference in the sphere we live in..ultimately..there are numerous external forces at work that inhibit the change that we desire to create.
one against many, david vs goliath, it seems like a lost cause.
why not accept the world for what it is rather then hope to change it? avoidance of the issues at hand? an escapist mentality?
its just my way of resolving issues..accepting the situation and working not to change the cause.but to offer an alternative that accepts the situation?
the problems of milo syndrome? well...how about horlicks?
i spent the day reading on my essay research materials and blasting mp3s on my lappie..skipped the notion of heading out..essays more impt yeap.
i became a nocturnal creature lately..often retiring at 5am and waking at noon.
Monday, April 12, 2004
when i look into your eyes, i can see your love restrained
was at sun flea mkt at southbank tis noon..not too bad if u like artscrafts.not my cuppa though..but it felt good to be out..rest of the city was quiet..its easter sun..went crown..couldn;t get in..haah i had my infamous slippers on..so they wori i will win some money to get some proper shoes eh?
so now..made arrangements with alan..hope he can mk it here on tues for drinks.haha beery fun i hope..keke
so we shall see...meanwhile starting on my two essays..
lets hope they turn out well.
i am trying to write about what makes a terrorist tick?wats going on in his mind..whats twisted..to him n not to us?
another one on even cheemer stuff..iget to that in abit.need to discuss some qns with a fren first.
shld be get together with someone just for the sake of companionship?or isit just someting tat comes along in a r/s?
i tot of it as a selfish reason ... am i wrong? or trying to be too saintly?
being single this while..made me numb to the sensitivities of love...
i not felt much feelings since along while.
getting too old? or just too disenchanted?
am i holding myself back?
so now..made arrangements with alan..hope he can mk it here on tues for drinks.haha beery fun i hope..keke
so we shall see...meanwhile starting on my two essays..
lets hope they turn out well.
i am trying to write about what makes a terrorist tick?wats going on in his mind..whats twisted..to him n not to us?
another one on even cheemer stuff..iget to that in abit.need to discuss some qns with a fren first.
shld be get together with someone just for the sake of companionship?or isit just someting tat comes along in a r/s?
i tot of it as a selfish reason ... am i wrong? or trying to be too saintly?
being single this while..made me numb to the sensitivities of love...
i not felt much feelings since along while.
getting too old? or just too disenchanted?
am i holding myself back?
Friday, April 09, 2004
happy easter sun!
hmm..2 months ago..i boarded a plane n got myself here..all alone..arrived in a cold n wet morning..
and now..its already been 2 months..i feel tat it just wheezed past me..gosh..it sure made me realise..i be back sooner then i thought to all that i hold so dear to my heart.
hang on people..n ( i say tis to myself ) i'm coming home soon!haha
i just managed to make contact with alan from back in poly..wow..hes in melb too..stdy at deakin uni..just wasted he stays so far from where i am..
but hes coming over tml evening..it be great to catch up with him then!
coz i am havin a potluck at my place..haha..well..wish there were some beeer kakis..jimmy..dan..marlboro..whr u guys?!haha
been slacking the whole dae..i toook a day off for myself after slogging to complete the two essays last week..watched 'love actually' again on vcd tis afternoon..
so many memories..so many thoughts...its such a great movie!though i am not in love..but it sure makes u realise much more forms of love around .. then just the plain old guy gal relationship..
my fave story within tat movie? its gotta be the one involving the just married couple and the guy friend who's in love with the bride..whos his best friends wife...i love to bits ..how he videoed her..how he went on xmas eve to do the placard tingy..with all the ' and in xmas, we tell the truth.' my gosh man...absolutely out of this world romantic stuff ..
and how about the one whr the guy picked up portugese in less then a week and flew to get the love of his life when it all started without a single conversation, common language or understanding?
can two people get together just by the 'feeling' and without saying anything?
i sure wished i could.
sometimes some people are so close to yr heart..yet so far away when u get to see them..so near yet so far...its a terrible feeling..being physically close..yet emotionally distant...
itn't that what we feel all the time as well with our loved ones?
i miss you.
so marlboro? gives u something to think about since u are so pragmatic with the whole love issue..haha.
u can write a book on it..or email me..i will give u my 2cents worth...plus my miserable experiences..wich i have learnt a 'lifetime' of lessons on the cheap thrill of relationships..n how fickle it can be.
its not just the gals..dun get me wrong..we are just mortals.guys we are.its hard to think clearly with two heads.n in case u took it offensively.i wished sometimes you could not be ruled by tetesterone..
yeappie! i am sorry..arsenal still won.haha.
they WILL be undefeated in the premiership..n hey..
chelsea to win the champs league...i can hear the cash registers ringing.
and now..its already been 2 months..i feel tat it just wheezed past me..gosh..it sure made me realise..i be back sooner then i thought to all that i hold so dear to my heart.
hang on people..n ( i say tis to myself ) i'm coming home soon!haha
i just managed to make contact with alan from back in poly..wow..hes in melb too..stdy at deakin uni..just wasted he stays so far from where i am..
but hes coming over tml evening..it be great to catch up with him then!
coz i am havin a potluck at my place..haha..well..wish there were some beeer kakis..jimmy..dan..marlboro..whr u guys?!haha
been slacking the whole dae..i toook a day off for myself after slogging to complete the two essays last week..watched 'love actually' again on vcd tis afternoon..
so many memories..so many thoughts...its such a great movie!though i am not in love..but it sure makes u realise much more forms of love around .. then just the plain old guy gal relationship..
my fave story within tat movie? its gotta be the one involving the just married couple and the guy friend who's in love with the bride..whos his best friends wife...i love to bits ..how he videoed her..how he went on xmas eve to do the placard tingy..with all the ' and in xmas, we tell the truth.' my gosh man...absolutely out of this world romantic stuff ..
and how about the one whr the guy picked up portugese in less then a week and flew to get the love of his life when it all started without a single conversation, common language or understanding?
can two people get together just by the 'feeling' and without saying anything?
i sure wished i could.
sometimes some people are so close to yr heart..yet so far away when u get to see them..so near yet so far...its a terrible feeling..being physically close..yet emotionally distant...
itn't that what we feel all the time as well with our loved ones?
i miss you.
so marlboro? gives u something to think about since u are so pragmatic with the whole love issue..haha.
u can write a book on it..or email me..i will give u my 2cents worth...plus my miserable experiences..wich i have learnt a 'lifetime' of lessons on the cheap thrill of relationships..n how fickle it can be.
its not just the gals..dun get me wrong..we are just mortals.guys we are.its hard to think clearly with two heads.n in case u took it offensively.i wished sometimes you could not be ruled by tetesterone..
yeappie! i am sorry..arsenal still won.haha.
they WILL be undefeated in the premiership..n hey..
chelsea to win the champs league...i can hear the cash registers ringing.
Thursday, April 08, 2004
boritos
no its not a typo..its doritos with a pun. easter weekend hols here!
imagine someting like xmas eve at Orch rd..packed man in the city..stayed home..after i went to get some scarves for the upcomin winter..
i got two..hmm now the problem is..i dun realli know hw to wear em..heez..
back home..prepared dinner as adrian and frances were coming over..bahkut teh..slurpsz...
we had dinner..watch dvd..played cards..haha..only thing missing.beer and a couple of beer buddies!
oh yea..we had doritos too..haha...
gona tk a break tonight and tml..rest and relax!
imagine someting like xmas eve at Orch rd..packed man in the city..stayed home..after i went to get some scarves for the upcomin winter..
i got two..hmm now the problem is..i dun realli know hw to wear em..heez..
back home..prepared dinner as adrian and frances were coming over..bahkut teh..slurpsz...
we had dinner..watch dvd..played cards..haha..only thing missing.beer and a couple of beer buddies!
oh yea..we had doritos too..haha...
gona tk a break tonight and tml..rest and relax!
happy easter!
its gonna be the easter hols here on fri...so a week without skool..
if u ppl noticed..i dun blog so much the past week..been busy..essays due and presentations..
i had to do a presentation on the IRA this afternoon..finally..it felt good that i could do it reasonably well.
so what are your plans for the easter hols? asked my tutor..
hmm i dunno..i've got another essay due after easter, a take home exam as well and another presentation. so i guess...hmm..i dunno..where do you go when u dun hv your brudders and kakis around?
i tot of watching footy..its the aust version of soccer,rugby and basketball rolled into one.
tats a thought only..
i just finished my essay..i am gonna take a break for a day..totally no studying..haha..
gonna go get some stuff from DavidJones later..sale time..30% off..wahahaa..see if i can get a nice scarf...
gonna hit the sack soon..i was just pondering over wat marlboro man mentioned in his blog..
how do you know u are in love? really? and not just physical attraction..infatuation?
well my dear friend..its all in the heart and feeling..its all about that...why complicate things so much?
a relationship is already a complicate web of feelings, emotions, responsibilities and ACTIONS.( wat are u waiting for? for the girl to tell u hey..i love u? but coz i think u are not man enough to tell me..i betta tell u? ) cmon edwin ...u never know till you try..though u may lose a fren in the sense that many girls..at least those i have met..SOme of them..will just do a hasta la vista..but at least u wun regret it..though the sadness of rejection is hard to bear..n sour at times! i guess if u had it a couple of times..it be fine..u be alrite!haha sometimes i do lose hope in finding that someone..i still do..but i do hope as well..that i will..and i always will..
my housemates bf is coming over..so lucky she is..and how lonely i will be..u noe..till today..i still think thats its the holidae season..tat makes it all the more lonely...
i remember a xmas eve a few years ago..n i am thinking of you now..as always..
if u ppl noticed..i dun blog so much the past week..been busy..essays due and presentations..
i had to do a presentation on the IRA this afternoon..finally..it felt good that i could do it reasonably well.
so what are your plans for the easter hols? asked my tutor..
hmm i dunno..i've got another essay due after easter, a take home exam as well and another presentation. so i guess...hmm..i dunno..where do you go when u dun hv your brudders and kakis around?
i tot of watching footy..its the aust version of soccer,rugby and basketball rolled into one.
tats a thought only..
i just finished my essay..i am gonna take a break for a day..totally no studying..haha..
gonna go get some stuff from DavidJones later..sale time..30% off..wahahaa..see if i can get a nice scarf...
gonna hit the sack soon..i was just pondering over wat marlboro man mentioned in his blog..
how do you know u are in love? really? and not just physical attraction..infatuation?
well my dear friend..its all in the heart and feeling..its all about that...why complicate things so much?
a relationship is already a complicate web of feelings, emotions, responsibilities and ACTIONS.( wat are u waiting for? for the girl to tell u hey..i love u? but coz i think u are not man enough to tell me..i betta tell u? ) cmon edwin ...u never know till you try..though u may lose a fren in the sense that many girls..at least those i have met..SOme of them..will just do a hasta la vista..but at least u wun regret it..though the sadness of rejection is hard to bear..n sour at times! i guess if u had it a couple of times..it be fine..u be alrite!haha sometimes i do lose hope in finding that someone..i still do..but i do hope as well..that i will..and i always will..
my housemates bf is coming over..so lucky she is..and how lonely i will be..u noe..till today..i still think thats its the holidae season..tat makes it all the more lonely...
i remember a xmas eve a few years ago..n i am thinking of you now..as always..
happy easter!
its gonna be the easter hols here on fri...so a week without skool..
if u ppl noticed..i dun blog so much the past week..been busy..essays due and presentations..
i had to do a presentation on the IRA this afternoon..finally..it felt good that i could do it reasonably well.
so what are your plans for the easter hols? asked my tutor..
hmm i dunno..i've got another essay due after easter, a take home exam as well and another presentation. so i guess...hmm..i dunno..where do you go when u dun hv your brudders and kakis around?
i tot of watching footy..its the aust version of soccer,rugby and basketball rolled into one.
tats a thought only..
i just finished my essay..i am gonna take a break for a day..totally no studying..haha..
gonna go get some stuff from DavidJones later..sale time..30% off..wahahaa..see if i can get a nice scarf...
gonna hit the sack soon..i was just pondering over wat marlboro man mentioned in his blog..
how do you know u are in love? really? and not just physical attraction..infatuation?
well my dear friend..its all in the heart and feeling..its all about that...why complicate things so much?
a relationship is already a complicate web of feelings, emotions, responsibilities and ACTIONS.( wat are u waiting for? for the girl to tell u hey..i love u? but coz i think u are not man enough to tell me..i betta tell u? ) cmon edwin ...u never know till you try..though u may lose a fren in the sense that many girls..at least those i have met..SOme of them..will just do a hasta la vista..but at least u wun regret it..though the sadness of rejection is hard to bear..n sour at times! i guess if u had it a couple of times..it be fine..u be alrite!haha sometimes i do lose hope in finding that someone..i still do..but i do hope as well..that i will..and i always will..
my housemates bf is coming over..so lucky she is..and how lonely i will be..u noe..till today..i still think thats its the holidae season..tat makes it all the more lonely...
i remember a xmas eve a few years ago..n i am thinking of you now..as always..
if u ppl noticed..i dun blog so much the past week..been busy..essays due and presentations..
i had to do a presentation on the IRA this afternoon..finally..it felt good that i could do it reasonably well.
so what are your plans for the easter hols? asked my tutor..
hmm i dunno..i've got another essay due after easter, a take home exam as well and another presentation. so i guess...hmm..i dunno..where do you go when u dun hv your brudders and kakis around?
i tot of watching footy..its the aust version of soccer,rugby and basketball rolled into one.
tats a thought only..
i just finished my essay..i am gonna take a break for a day..totally no studying..haha..
gonna go get some stuff from DavidJones later..sale time..30% off..wahahaa..see if i can get a nice scarf...
gonna hit the sack soon..i was just pondering over wat marlboro man mentioned in his blog..
how do you know u are in love? really? and not just physical attraction..infatuation?
well my dear friend..its all in the heart and feeling..its all about that...why complicate things so much?
a relationship is already a complicate web of feelings, emotions, responsibilities and ACTIONS.( wat are u waiting for? for the girl to tell u hey..i love u? but coz i think u are not man enough to tell me..i betta tell u? ) cmon edwin ...u never know till you try..though u may lose a fren in the sense that many girls..at least those i have met..SOme of them..will just do a hasta la vista..but at least u wun regret it..though the sadness of rejection is hard to bear..n sour at times! i guess if u had it a couple of times..it be fine..u be alrite!haha sometimes i do lose hope in finding that someone..i still do..but i do hope as well..that i will..and i always will..
my housemates bf is coming over..so lucky she is..and how lonely i will be..u noe..till today..i still think thats its the holidae season..tat makes it all the more lonely...
i remember a xmas eve a few years ago..n i am thinking of you now..as always..
Monday, April 05, 2004
我不難過
又站在你家的門口 我們重複沉默 這樣子單方面的守候 還能多久
終於你開口向我訴說她有多溫柔 雖然你還握著我的手 但我已不在你心中
我真的懂 你不是喜新厭舊 是我沒有 陪在你身邊 當你寂寞時候
別再看著我 說著你愛過 別太傷痛 我不難過 這不算什麼
只是為什麼眼淚會流 我也不懂 就讓我走 讓我開始享受自由
回憶很多 你的影子也會充滿我生活 我並不懦弱
你比誰都懂 雖然寂寞 這會是我 最後的寬容
抱緊我 再抱緊我 這一份感動 請你讓我留在胸口
別在說是你的錯 愛到了盡頭 是非對錯 就讓它隨風
忘了所有 過得比你快活 我真的懂 你不是喜新厭舊 是我沒有
陪在你身邊 當你寂寞時候 別再看著我 說著你愛過 別太傷痛
我不難過 這不算什麼 只是為什麼眼淚會流 我也不懂
不要再說 或許這是最好結果 現在分手 總好過你不愛我一拖再拖
鬆開你的手 離開你左右 我向前走 這會是我 真正的解脫
終於你開口向我訴說她有多溫柔 雖然你還握著我的手 但我已不在你心中
我真的懂 你不是喜新厭舊 是我沒有 陪在你身邊 當你寂寞時候
別再看著我 說著你愛過 別太傷痛 我不難過 這不算什麼
只是為什麼眼淚會流 我也不懂 就讓我走 讓我開始享受自由
回憶很多 你的影子也會充滿我生活 我並不懦弱
你比誰都懂 雖然寂寞 這會是我 最後的寬容
抱緊我 再抱緊我 這一份感動 請你讓我留在胸口
別在說是你的錯 愛到了盡頭 是非對錯 就讓它隨風
忘了所有 過得比你快活 我真的懂 你不是喜新厭舊 是我沒有
陪在你身邊 當你寂寞時候 別再看著我 說著你愛過 別太傷痛
我不難過 這不算什麼 只是為什麼眼淚會流 我也不懂
不要再說 或許這是最好結果 現在分手 總好過你不愛我一拖再拖
鬆開你的手 離開你左右 我向前走 這會是我 真正的解脫
and so another week has passed
i just raided the fridge..i can't believe the stuff and amount i am eating..chocs,biscuits. yet i am still short of the weight i had before i came..hmm i still need to get back about 2 to 3kg to be back to my old weight.
tried to keep matters out of my mind, wanted to call home, yet decided not to, lest it affects me again.
meina asked me whats wrong tis afternoon, could she tell? i had almost opened up to her, but i could feel the tears building and i told her, another time, i'm not feeling that great.
so why am i so miserable over someting i can't control or change? angry? that why has this got to happen to someone who is already financially stretched back home..that all this had to come along and change everything? can it be really sunshine after the rain? i seriously want this to end..all the bad things now! just feel very sad thinking how they must be worrying as well back home.
money is not everything, without money you can't get anything.
you can't buy happiness with money. you can't be happy without money.
no? when was the last time you had to worry about finances? some people have it all, they never had to worry if theres gonna be money for them to spend the next day. think twice before buying that expensive car...have they ever gone through days when you think many times before spending money?
when i got here, i met this person who made this sweeping statement that if i were my old self..for those who really know me..immediately lambasted his statement of..singaporeans who are here in aust..how can they have no money?..in a rich sense..
if only i were my old self..he would have kenna an earful..spoilt rich brat...forgive him though..being financially and socially sheltered..he probably never had to worry about $$$. or wondered how his parents worked to get the money to him..
fortunately the world isn't full of people like him or like those who cared only for protein powders, read meat and being able to bench 130.
i have met..some of the richest yet most pleasant and humble people my age..and it makes me less cynical of the materialistic world we live and breathe in.
tried to keep matters out of my mind, wanted to call home, yet decided not to, lest it affects me again.
meina asked me whats wrong tis afternoon, could she tell? i had almost opened up to her, but i could feel the tears building and i told her, another time, i'm not feeling that great.
so why am i so miserable over someting i can't control or change? angry? that why has this got to happen to someone who is already financially stretched back home..that all this had to come along and change everything? can it be really sunshine after the rain? i seriously want this to end..all the bad things now! just feel very sad thinking how they must be worrying as well back home.
money is not everything, without money you can't get anything.
you can't buy happiness with money. you can't be happy without money.
no? when was the last time you had to worry about finances? some people have it all, they never had to worry if theres gonna be money for them to spend the next day. think twice before buying that expensive car...have they ever gone through days when you think many times before spending money?
when i got here, i met this person who made this sweeping statement that if i were my old self..for those who really know me..immediately lambasted his statement of..singaporeans who are here in aust..how can they have no money?..in a rich sense..
if only i were my old self..he would have kenna an earful..spoilt rich brat...forgive him though..being financially and socially sheltered..he probably never had to worry about $$$. or wondered how his parents worked to get the money to him..
fortunately the world isn't full of people like him or like those who cared only for protein powders, read meat and being able to bench 130.
i have met..some of the richest yet most pleasant and humble people my age..and it makes me less cynical of the materialistic world we live and breathe in.
Sunday, April 04, 2004
darkness like never before
i feel really stoned now..i know i should be aware that i can't really do anything about the situation i am in.
just realised how suay i am, the tings back home..and i literally fried my own md player and cd player.. can u imagine..my two sources of music..to keep me sane..both fused when i used some cheapo adaptor that i brought over which i originally thought that it be easier rather then bring all my different chargers over..well heed the advise next time..do not use this equipment with a non approved adaptor..sometimes we all do not listen..dun we?
if thats not enough..i almost went crazy with loneliness earlier.. hsemate went out..n her friends whom i knew..called me.. ( optus free, she;s with 3, a 3G network. ) asking..hey where u guys? " Oh i am at home lor..where else?"
huh? how come? wheres meina?
she went out already..
u dun want to come out meh?
she boh jio leh..anyway shes out already..
and i went back to cooking.eating alone..
i was saved from the depths of solitude when they called again..hey want to go drinking?
i had wanted to say no..
but i couldn't take the thought of being home alone..and doing nothing with all the things in my head..i would get too emotional.
so i popped over to their apartment..
we played dice, cards, uno till 2am plus..and drank a hell lot of beer...meina got drunk and couldn't come home..so she stayed over at adrian's place. he's the nice guy.haha..at least i can click with him..and i had to come home alone...alone..
brunei was a wetter,colder and darker.. i never thought i felt the loneliness i felt then.. all by myself in the jungle..here i am too..in a concrete jungle.
i had a good chat with dan and jimmy over the phone..i called them long D after dinner..and felt good to know that..despite the darkness i am in now.. jimmy and dan has shown to be real 'beacons'..i was kinda lost..and it all seem dark around me.. i was engulfed by it..yet these two chums of mine..had really proven to me..the most pricless thing in life is your family and your friends.
i am under greater stress now..the hopes of the family rests heavily on me..and i feel so tired already.
just realised how suay i am, the tings back home..and i literally fried my own md player and cd player.. can u imagine..my two sources of music..to keep me sane..both fused when i used some cheapo adaptor that i brought over which i originally thought that it be easier rather then bring all my different chargers over..well heed the advise next time..do not use this equipment with a non approved adaptor..sometimes we all do not listen..dun we?
if thats not enough..i almost went crazy with loneliness earlier.. hsemate went out..n her friends whom i knew..called me.. ( optus free, she;s with 3, a 3G network. ) asking..hey where u guys? " Oh i am at home lor..where else?"
huh? how come? wheres meina?
she went out already..
u dun want to come out meh?
she boh jio leh..anyway shes out already..
and i went back to cooking.eating alone..
i was saved from the depths of solitude when they called again..hey want to go drinking?
i had wanted to say no..
but i couldn't take the thought of being home alone..and doing nothing with all the things in my head..i would get too emotional.
so i popped over to their apartment..
we played dice, cards, uno till 2am plus..and drank a hell lot of beer...meina got drunk and couldn't come home..so she stayed over at adrian's place. he's the nice guy.haha..at least i can click with him..and i had to come home alone...alone..
brunei was a wetter,colder and darker.. i never thought i felt the loneliness i felt then.. all by myself in the jungle..here i am too..in a concrete jungle.
i had a good chat with dan and jimmy over the phone..i called them long D after dinner..and felt good to know that..despite the darkness i am in now.. jimmy and dan has shown to be real 'beacons'..i was kinda lost..and it all seem dark around me.. i was engulfed by it..yet these two chums of mine..had really proven to me..the most pricless thing in life is your family and your friends.
i am under greater stress now..the hopes of the family rests heavily on me..and i feel so tired already.
by darkness..its a great song.
Love Is Only A Feeling
The first flush of youth was upon you when our eyes first met
And I knew that to you and into your life I had to get
I felt light-headed at the touch of this stranger's hand
An assault my defences systematically failed to withstand
'Cos you came at a time
When the pursuit of one true love in which to fall
Was the be all and end all
Love is only a feeling
(Drifting away)
When I'm in your arms I start believing
(It's here to stay)
But love is only a feeling
Anyway
The state of elation that this unison of hearts achieved
I had seen, I had touched, I had tasted and I truly believed
That the light of my life
Would tear a hole right through each cloud that scudded by
Just to beam on you and I
Love is only a feeling
(Drifting away)
When I'm in your arms I start believing
(It's here to stay)
But love is only a feeling
Anyway, anyway
Love is only a feeling
(Drifting away)
And we've got to stop ourselves believing
(It's here to stay)
'Cos love is only a feeling
Anyway.
The first flush of youth was upon you when our eyes first met
And I knew that to you and into your life I had to get
I felt light-headed at the touch of this stranger's hand
An assault my defences systematically failed to withstand
'Cos you came at a time
When the pursuit of one true love in which to fall
Was the be all and end all
Love is only a feeling
(Drifting away)
When I'm in your arms I start believing
(It's here to stay)
But love is only a feeling
Anyway
The state of elation that this unison of hearts achieved
I had seen, I had touched, I had tasted and I truly believed
That the light of my life
Would tear a hole right through each cloud that scudded by
Just to beam on you and I
Love is only a feeling
(Drifting away)
When I'm in your arms I start believing
(It's here to stay)
But love is only a feeling
Anyway, anyway
Love is only a feeling
(Drifting away)
And we've got to stop ourselves believing
(It's here to stay)
'Cos love is only a feeling
Anyway.
Saturday, April 03, 2004
they say it never rains.
but it pours. i haven't called home in a week, i was wondering too at the back of my mind why have not they called?
after the call today, i am almost afraid to call home. why? it seems everytime i call, theres some sort of bad news awaiting. its almost too much to bear.
while my mum was retrenched the previous time i called, i found out that my grandma was not feeling well, though i just found out that shes getting better day by day...ah..the torment of old age, stricken by all the 'old man's diseases'... worst of all. mum told me dad had some problems at work, there was some guy on his shift that slacked on his job and it got the entire team affected, now his company told him to take a fews days off while they try to settle the issue and relocate him somewhere. i almost couldn't take it..the other time i still could tell my mum to take it easy and not worry, now.. i couldn't. for an instant, i was really affected.. essays due..( thats the least of my problems )..and now..the entire financial issue back home..its almost like a conspiracy..to get me down..well..i admit..it did. i was defeated.. i couldn't...
already the pressure of being under the bond and not flunking, being on a tight budget so folks back home will not be so cash strapped and now..one after another..bad news after another... it seems life is really turning round..not in the good sense though. its not cruel..theres others who seen worst..and all i can do..is weep...worrying for things back home and i feel so helpless and useless..not being able to do anything.
i can only hope that it will all work out..for some reason.. i believe..how all this is occuring..i just hope for the best..and for everyone of us to come out of it stronger.. n closer as a family..it has certainly done that..i just wished it didn't have to come along with all the obstacles.
how true is it that when u are down..even your food will taste bad? well...it did.. my housemate was telling me..the stuff i cooked today was really bland. not my usual..salty style..i guess..it realli did get to me..and it showed..i couldn't even tell when i was eating.
if theres a value that i had to learn the hard way in life..its that familiy ties are really important.. honestly i never was close to my parents..chose to stay in camp while i could..never appreciating the fact that they were there..for me..always.
and now i am so afraid and so ashamed..that i been a lousy son, brother, friend, person, ex boyfriend, colleague all this while. will what i do in future be enough to redeem myself?
i am sorry.
after the call today, i am almost afraid to call home. why? it seems everytime i call, theres some sort of bad news awaiting. its almost too much to bear.
while my mum was retrenched the previous time i called, i found out that my grandma was not feeling well, though i just found out that shes getting better day by day...ah..the torment of old age, stricken by all the 'old man's diseases'... worst of all. mum told me dad had some problems at work, there was some guy on his shift that slacked on his job and it got the entire team affected, now his company told him to take a fews days off while they try to settle the issue and relocate him somewhere. i almost couldn't take it..the other time i still could tell my mum to take it easy and not worry, now.. i couldn't. for an instant, i was really affected.. essays due..( thats the least of my problems )..and now..the entire financial issue back home..its almost like a conspiracy..to get me down..well..i admit..it did. i was defeated.. i couldn't...
already the pressure of being under the bond and not flunking, being on a tight budget so folks back home will not be so cash strapped and now..one after another..bad news after another... it seems life is really turning round..not in the good sense though. its not cruel..theres others who seen worst..and all i can do..is weep...worrying for things back home and i feel so helpless and useless..not being able to do anything.
i can only hope that it will all work out..for some reason.. i believe..how all this is occuring..i just hope for the best..and for everyone of us to come out of it stronger.. n closer as a family..it has certainly done that..i just wished it didn't have to come along with all the obstacles.
how true is it that when u are down..even your food will taste bad? well...it did.. my housemate was telling me..the stuff i cooked today was really bland. not my usual..salty style..i guess..it realli did get to me..and it showed..i couldn't even tell when i was eating.
if theres a value that i had to learn the hard way in life..its that familiy ties are really important.. honestly i never was close to my parents..chose to stay in camp while i could..never appreciating the fact that they were there..for me..always.
and now i am so afraid and so ashamed..that i been a lousy son, brother, friend, person, ex boyfriend, colleague all this while. will what i do in future be enough to redeem myself?
i am sorry.
Thursday, April 01, 2004
i miss the feeling of being with my loved ones.
again its a chilly night here in melb, its about 13 or 12 degrees? well it feels alot colder then that.well at least its not wet..the days of being cold and wet in taiwan..man..unforgettable and miserable to say the least. the only heart warming thing, thats where abang fong and andrew and me foster our close army brotherhood ties, alas, theres only me left now in the service after jimmy orded.
i wonder are my sec skool frens reading my blogs? i miss the sun soccer morns and kopitiam lunches with lotsa chillis please meekia ai hiam loosely translated as chilli with my noodles pls.hahaa
edwin told me theres a happy hour in db this friday.man i wish i could be there too.i have so much to say, to drink and to eat.hah..alas.. perhaps when i return in june, invite me for that one then yea!
easter break coming soon, two essays due next week, this weekend effectively burnt working on them. heard that they mark really strictly for the arts essays here..good luck to me.keke =P
sorta looking forward to easter..no it does not mean i be slacking, rather it means i am halfway to returning for winter break.heeez..
ever wondered if there is such a thing as a clean and clear breakup? in the first place. how do you define a breakup? is it a stage where you declare all relationship ties with someone has been broken?? do you leave behind trails of friendship ties then?? i have nothing against those whom remain friends since they break up. in fact my dearest friend, was my better half at one time and i still hold her very dear to my heart.
Messy in the sense, there is no clear direction on where this next stage of well call it a post relationship phase will go? remain as friends? take some time off each other and come back as friends when everything cooled off? it is not easy just to let someone out of your life in a sec, but to the bit i mentioned about coming back again as friends, good idea or a no no? everything has changed.some couples come back stronger, some resume with cracks in their r/s, cracks easily seen in a trying period. old wounds reopened..perhaps i am too pessimistic..
it takes two to get together, yet one to get away, two to work to make it work again and only one to run away from the hard work of getting back to terms again.
breaking up is hard to do, even harder then what u think.
no i am single.all this while.
PS
just because i did not email you does not mean i stopped thinking about you.
i wonder are my sec skool frens reading my blogs? i miss the sun soccer morns and kopitiam lunches with lotsa chillis please meekia ai hiam loosely translated as chilli with my noodles pls.hahaa
edwin told me theres a happy hour in db this friday.man i wish i could be there too.i have so much to say, to drink and to eat.hah..alas.. perhaps when i return in june, invite me for that one then yea!
easter break coming soon, two essays due next week, this weekend effectively burnt working on them. heard that they mark really strictly for the arts essays here..good luck to me.keke =P
sorta looking forward to easter..no it does not mean i be slacking, rather it means i am halfway to returning for winter break.heeez..
ever wondered if there is such a thing as a clean and clear breakup? in the first place. how do you define a breakup? is it a stage where you declare all relationship ties with someone has been broken?? do you leave behind trails of friendship ties then?? i have nothing against those whom remain friends since they break up. in fact my dearest friend, was my better half at one time and i still hold her very dear to my heart.
Messy in the sense, there is no clear direction on where this next stage of well call it a post relationship phase will go? remain as friends? take some time off each other and come back as friends when everything cooled off? it is not easy just to let someone out of your life in a sec, but to the bit i mentioned about coming back again as friends, good idea or a no no? everything has changed.some couples come back stronger, some resume with cracks in their r/s, cracks easily seen in a trying period. old wounds reopened..perhaps i am too pessimistic..
it takes two to get together, yet one to get away, two to work to make it work again and only one to run away from the hard work of getting back to terms again.
breaking up is hard to do, even harder then what u think.
no i am single.all this while.
PS
just because i did not email you does not mean i stopped thinking about you.
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